Snappievouz

There was a time where I really believed I would like to have my days packed. I was sitting at home, depressed, smoking my weed and doing nothing. Doing nothing and using drugs makes me go into my head even more and I always came to the conclusion: I really want to get busy!

On the other side, I am a big hippy. Flower power. I am 29 years old and still in school, have partied a lot, had fun with a lot of women, and have the craziest moments with my friends. I am still in school, because I never did much at all living a crazy, insane life. I should have worked harder back then, but oh well. Its all good. No biggie.

I guess I got my wish. I work from 8 till 5 at the moment with a traineeship I have to do for school and when I get home, I have to make assignments and getting busy with building websites. I train way less then before, and had to change my goals from keeping a rock solid body into a 'just doing sports for the health benefits'. I eat well to stay fit, and train whenever I can.

The money I had witdraw from my poker account after black friday is still in my bank account and I really miss poker. I miss the days where I grinded my whole evening away and studied poker obsessively. So obsessively that even my coach said I really need to chill a bit more to make poker work for me.

I never lost money with poker, but I never got higher then 100nl. I would dive into sick work ethic, just to get burned out and not play at all. Witdraw, deposit, rinse, repeat.

I find it amazing that I can be so sucked into something, completely lost in it just to find out, a year later, that my life has flipped completely in a way i would never anticipated without the thing I was so completely obsessed about. It happened with music, It happened with poker. Goal setting is great, but it seems to me life partly happens, and is completely unpredictable. I have the power of choice, and choices seem to be the most important thing on the big journey. I set goals to aim, but in the end, its about the journey.

Still, I really miss poker. There has been several times the past month where I wanted to put my money back into my poker account and start grinding again only to realise I really dont have the time to get to the grind again. Its 21.57 now and I did not have a moment for myself until I started to write this blog.

Its not to whine, because i love making progress. Its grinding, but on a different level. Its grinding, because I am working harder then ever. Getting to it, eventho I really want to chill out. Reading another page, while I really would like to play some xbox. Getting of the threadmill, because I know I still have to read or work some more. Then going to bed, only to repeat the process at 7 o clock in the morning. There was a time where I wished that I was busy for +/- 16 hours a day and I finally got to that point.

Its nothing compared to mineworkers. Its nothing compared to parents of newborn babys so fuck it. I get to it, and do it. I just really miss poker. But I can't. If I play poker, I want to grind it, hard. Playing a sick amount and really getting at it, and doing it. Impossible. But damn, I miss it.

Go grind, you low life, and enjoy it.