January 19, 2010
Iâ€™m really just putting this out there:
1) To get it out and help myself move past it
2) Record it so I can review later â€“ and itâ€™ll be funny then.
Itâ€™ll probably be kinda random, but Iâ€™m really just wanting to get it written down so I can move on.
1)I love poker. I love myself playing poker. Iâ€™m driven to succeed at poker. Iâ€™m a sharp dude and there really isnâ€™t a whole lot Iâ€™m not talented enough to excel at. Itâ€™s not just the â€œI want to be proâ€ stuff that is all over the place. I know that all I have to do is quit my job and say" Iâ€™m a pro"â€¦but then I can also say â€œI canâ€™t pay my billsâ€ ..and " Iâ€™m hungry"â€¦and â€œI used to own a houseâ€â€¦and â€œIâ€™m a losing poker player.â€ Iâ€™ve put in a lot of time and effort, and at some point I may have to snap to reality and accept I canâ€™t play poker well â€“ but Iâ€™m far from that point. Not even close. Iâ€™m not considering that even remotely at this point.
2)OK so, I listened to KRANTZ and the Santaâ€™s Helpers episode because I hear how inspirational and motivational it is. And Iâ€™m motivated â€“ but directionless. I was always motivatedâ€¦but right now â€“ no clue what to do.
3) I set goals for myself for studying, but found myself hitting my goal because it was my goal and not because I was learning. Some other goals are probably just way to aggressive.
4) btwâ€¦Iâ€™m basically BUSTO. I have like $15 total in my PS and FTP accounts. Iâ€™m not tilted or even really affected. I can deposit if I want to. Right now, though, Iâ€™m afraid itâ€™s just throwing money away and thatâ€™s not something Iâ€™m going to do.
5) I have been recording my sessions with the intention of making a series of the slow death of my bankroll. My game needs improvement. No doubt. Itâ€™s just really freaken hard to have something to say on a video and not sound like a dumbass. And itâ€™s hard to record them because I donâ€™t have the type of privacy that will let me record a video. I can play all day because I just throw on my headphones..but recording a video is different. NOTE: As Iâ€™m writing this I see myself not doing this because itâ€™s â€œhard.â€ Thatâ€™s not acceptable. Iâ€™ll hammer out the vids. Geez..how did I get here? Not cool.
6) I was going to post some hands earlier, but canâ€™t find anything I feel is genuinely confusing. I rarely encounter a spot where I donâ€™t know what to do..lol.obviously, Iâ€™m not always correct, but I rarely 2nd guess myself. Iâ€™m so decisive, I just make the decision and move on. AH-Ha !!!: Ok so, in life, I feel in any situation there are tons of right choices, but only 1 or 2 wrong ones. I feel like what matters is you make a decision and drive it until there is overwhelming data indicating it isnâ€™t going to work. Do I have to change this view to succeed at poker? Iâ€™ll keep this in mind.
7) Also regarding posting. I just donâ€™t feel like Iâ€™m offering anything. Makes me think what Iâ€™m feeling is just a confidence thing.
8) Also, I really donâ€™t dig discussing spots in a vac. Iâ€™m trying to get better at it. I just feel like a lot of decisions are a result of the flow of the game and all other decisions leading up to that point. Like I said, Iâ€™m trying to make myself like itâ€¦.I just honestly donâ€™t right now. Thatâ€™s kinda why I am going to make the vids.
9) Just to put it out there. I feel like such a biatch for posting this. I hate being the person who does what Iâ€™m â€œsupposed to doâ€ in time of need and not as a habit. My bitch-azz needs to post more on here.
OKâ€¦Iâ€™m good now. Thanks, HotDig