January 19, 2010

don't read this - there is nothing of value here

I’m really just putting this out there:
1) To get it out and help myself move past it
2) Record it so I can review later – and it’ll be funny then.

It’ll probably be kinda random, but I’m really just wanting to get it written down so I can move on.

1)I love poker. I love myself playing poker. I’m driven to succeed at poker. I’m a sharp dude and there really isn’t a whole lot I’m not talented enough to excel at. It’s not just the “I want to be pro” stuff that is all over the place. I know that all I have to do is quit my job and say" I’m a pro"…but then I can also say “I can’t pay my bills” ..and " I’m hungry"…and “I used to own a house”…and “I’m a losing poker player.” I’ve put in a lot of time and effort, and at some point I may have to snap to reality and accept I can’t play poker well – but I’m far from that point. Not even close. I’m not considering that even remotely at this point.

2)OK so, I listened to KRANTZ and the Santa’s Helpers episode because I hear how inspirational and motivational it is. And I’m motivated – but directionless. I was always motivated…but right now – no clue what to do.

3) I set goals for myself for studying, but found myself hitting my goal because it was my goal and not because I was learning. Some other goals are probably just way to aggressive.

4) btw…I’m basically BUSTO. I have like $15 total in my PS and FTP accounts. I’m not tilted or even really affected. I can deposit if I want to. Right now, though, I’m afraid it’s just throwing money away and that’s not something I’m going to do.

5) I have been recording my sessions with the intention of making a series of the slow death of my bankroll. My game needs improvement. No doubt. It’s just really freaken hard to have something to say on a video and not sound like a dumbass. And it’s hard to record them because I don’t have the type of privacy that will let me record a video. I can play all day because I just throw on my headphones..but recording a video is different. NOTE: As I’m writing this I see myself not doing this because it’s “hard.” That’s not acceptable. I’ll hammer out the vids. Geez..how did I get here? Not cool.

6) I was going to post some hands earlier, but can’t find anything I feel is genuinely confusing. I rarely encounter a spot where I don’t know what to do..lol.obviously, I’m not always correct, but I rarely 2nd guess myself. I’m so decisive, I just make the decision and move on. AH-Ha !!!: Ok so, in life, I feel in any situation there are tons of right choices, but only 1 or 2 wrong ones. I feel like what matters is you make a decision and drive it until there is overwhelming data indicating it isn’t going to work. Do I have to change this view to succeed at poker? I’ll keep this in mind.

7) Also regarding posting. I just don’t feel like I’m offering anything. Makes me think what I’m feeling is just a confidence thing.

8) Also, I really don’t dig discussing spots in a vac. I’m trying to get better at it. I just feel like a lot of decisions are a result of the flow of the game and all other decisions leading up to that point. Like I said, I’m trying to make myself like it….I just honestly don’t right now. That’s kinda why I am going to make the vids.

9) Just to put it out there. I feel like such a biatch for posting this. I hate being the person who does what I’m “supposed to do” in time of need and not as a habit. My bitch-azz needs to post more on here.

OK…I’m good now. Thanks, HotDig

Posted By HotDiggy1121 at 02:34 AM



HotDiggy1121 posted on January 21, 2010 at 00:46 AM


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