Wave of Mutilation

There's a lot of dumb shit going on right now in the world of online poker. It's both depressing and enraging, and with me being the lagtard I am (now I just click buttons on my remote real fast, RIP online poker) I tend to get enraged more than depressed.

First we have Bodog, with their non-anon anon tables and spritely wool over the eyes response to KyleB's vids. You're a bunch of fucking retards Bodonk. I never played there because their software has always been an absolute atrocity and anyone who accepted that software can't be very smart. It all makes perfect logical sense. So fuck Bodonk. This is of course a good example of the standard shitty response all companies give in this day and age, the non-transparent "everything is cool yo, nothing to see here, business as usual" that's almost 100% a lie. Maybe if you assholes were honest with your potential paying customers you wouldn't be in so many tricky situations down the road caught in a mosh of lies and generic response. Then again why would you care? It's not like you fuckers have anyone to answer to. Also, dude, LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL at your high moral arrow shooting to protect the casual player from the demonic horrors of the predatory reg! YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. Hope you all get a flesh eating disease and die a slow painful death. A poker player is a poker player is a poker player is a poker player. Win or lose, reg or fish. You offer a service to POKER PLAYERS not non-professional, non-consistent players. You're fucking retards. "the health of bla bla bla bla bla" If anyone believes you have the good of the poker community nested softly in your crusty black heart they deserve to play on your abomination of a site. Rot in hell bitches.

The Bluefire Poker debacle is truly depressing. I used to be a paying member, back in the day when the USA was grea.... wait NM the USA has always been fucked, it just never hit home so hard before. I thought Phil Galfond didn't make videos for Cardrunners or anyone else because he wanted to be in control. Why on earth wouldn't he be the owner of BFP? That's sad. I mean, it was hilarious when they started  showing up with MTT and SNG vids but definitely understandable to try and capture that part of the market, since Phil had the attention of cash game players everywhere. I have news for you BFP, Phil Galfond was marketed as the face of your site, the owner, the leader, the man, he's the dude, that's what we called him. Whatever was going on behind the scenes should obviously have kept that in mind. You signed your own death warrant. Also, not letting him post the last 4 vids he wants to post and deleting his blog etc. is retarded. You should take his face off the front page and go the rest of the way you idiots. Grow up you scum sucking assholes. 

The internet gaming regulation situation (say that 5x fast) is also a giant clown car full of red nosed buffoons. It reminds me of something else full of clowns and idiots. You know, elections. There's one thing you never see in these situations, intent. The face of a movement, the face of an individual involved in a debate, all of it is fucking hogwash. It's just a form of entertainment to be honest, should make a reality TV show about it. "ELECTED". That's all it boils down to. Intent is what's important, and hard to get a read on. It's funny to read about guys that were supporting or against online poker flip their decision. Like whoever that recent asshole is. You know what? I'm sorry for all you moron fucking casino guys who missed out on online poker because you were too stupid to realize it was the future. I'm sorry you're not making bank and rake handoverfist and it's so so so depressing to know that you're all wah wah wah about it. I feel so sorry for you. At least you can glaze the pocket of your idiot politician friends! You still have a shot! You could get all kinds of loopholes and structural shamblings set up in your favor to capitalize still. Don't worry guys, it's OK!!!!! Hope you all get a flesh eating disease and die a slow painful death.

Put your guard up folks. Everyone out there, politicians, casino donks, Bodonks, they're all just giant waving dicks waiting for your asshole to walk by at the right angle.

It seems like for some reason whenever I coach someone in cash games they go on to smash mtts for big money no whammies. Dumb luck? Variance? I don't know. I'm glad to see their success though because I know I don't have the stamina to grind out 16 hour sessions (unless it's live poker, then it's fine for some reason). Winning a nice MTT can be life changing money, and YES even in the rusting Dollar, at least for now! Don't have too much else to say other than congratulations to Miguel and that we'll have some media and hand review on freepokercoaching.net sometime in the near future. Tentative launch date for the site is Oct. 1st. Could be a bit after but we'll see. These things take time, and right now I'm doing my best to fend off the lagtard pornbots that are festering. We're about improving our poker games, not giant black and asian monstercock madness. Sorry bro. 

As I sit here crafting the lyrics to my next hit cover song "Come on Irene" I'm wondering just what the fuck to do with all these batteries? Sure, the Lunchables I can grub on and the water I can drink, but the batteries have me baffled. Donate them to lesbians? I had my bike (yes, on my bike!) all ready to fly around houses like the wicked witch and all I got was this wet air conditioner spitting dust and musky mucus thick rain slush on me. Cardboard boxes smell funny when they're wet. Mountain Dew Throwback is a fucking ape-strong TRUCK. It could leap Zod in a single bound. What does all of this mean anyway? Where's my online poker? 

The only thing even remotely significant that happened to me during Irene is that my mum's cat ran away :/ I feel bad. I haven't really had much to say since all this bs went down. I'm kinda apathetic about it all. If I said what I was really thinking I'd be back in a mental institution faster than I could donate batteries to lesbians. Actually, that'd probably take a while since I don't really live near or know any, that I know of. I see the Craigslist ad now though - "Rogue Batteries Seek Quality Home w/Hot Lesbians". 

I feel like people are seeking help with their poker game far earlier than they used to. Obviously with all that's happened to poker, all the transformations, scandals, ups/downs/whathaveyouz more people are more informed that help is available at an earlier time and more people are trying to provide that help as well as profit from it. I think it's cool but seeing posts in microstakes forums about 4b/5b wars is silly. Ya'll need to chill out a bit :) 

Obviously the "poker lifestyle" is appealing. Do whatever you want, whenever you want. To be honest you could have that if you wanted it anyway, without poker. It just takes a passion for something and hard work to achieve goals. The worst thing you can do is think you're going to scrape by in poker as a mini-grinder. It's even worse when you have illusions of grandeur and fancy yourself some kind of master. It's even worse when you fancy yourself some kind of master and de-value the advice or teachings of those with more experience and longevity in the game. It's even worse when you're incapable of realizing any of these things are happening with you and you stale mate.

Poker is waiting to butt-fuck you. When you think you've settled in and you've figured it out, is when you feel the most disconnected when shit goes wrong. This isn't going to stop happening. I've always tried to take poker one step at a time, I feel like getting good at or focusing on one thing at a time will be a great help, don't bite off more than you can chew, so to speak. If you really enjoy poker and want to make a run at playing professionally, put in hard work and don't be a bitch about shit when it goes wrong. It's part of it going right. If you can't learn something and improve from a mistake you've made and you just get angry, you lose. YOU LOSE. (wonkagooddaysir.jpg)

I miss online poker. I didn't put in as much volume as some dedicated grinders, but I played my fair share and most importantly I had the ability to do so if I wanted. I do not take lightly to freedoms being removed from my choice palette. Though my instinct is swift vengeance and catastrophic levels of retribution, a more realistic approach is likely to be more successful. That being said FUCK THE GOVT. 

What's my next play? Hard to say. I'm about to start showing up at Turning Stone and Foxwoods more :) Along with the underground games in upstate NY. Though I'm more hesitant about those than I used to be because the rate of robberies and raids is increasing all the time, and those fuckers don't even supply hot chocolate. 

Raids & Robberies, it's a new Atari 2600 homebrew just WAITING to happen. You play the part of an underground poker club manager. Your goal is to figure out which players in your club are most likely to cause a raid or robbery, and crush them like Borat would. HE GET IT! The govt. has a very funny retardation. 

I've been playing a bit of LoL (League of Legends) to pass time when I'm not working on freepokercoaching.net. I'm a donk though, 100%. I can't even figure out which dude I want to be. If you'd like to donk around sometime pm me your sn on there! I'd return to the MTG circuit part time if it didn't make me sick. It's definitely a good time for magic grinders though with a money tournament every other weekend. I'm just a fucking curmudgeon, lets face reality. 

I clicked on a Yahoo presidential candidate thingy the other day and it was some random idiot who was all about a few things I agreed with, then he was like "yo, I'm all about outlawing abortions and gay marriage" and I felt a sick feeling of rage wash over me. Where the fuck do you idiots get off deciding who can do what and when? You're not family, you don't pay my bills, and we aren't fucking, so GTFO. I'm not gay, nor will I ever be pregnant outside of Halloween or a Sci-Fi dream, nor will I ever be married (just not my style, but I support anyone's ability to do it if they wish) Personally I think we should make politicians FIGHT TO THE DEATH like Mike Vick's dogs before they enter office. Also, their list of bullshit changes that they plan to make, they should be forced to do that before they do anything else, or thrown into a pit of electric spikes! Also, fuck living at the White House, the President should be forced to live in the poorest parts of the country periodically. Not visit and kiss babies and shake crusted hands, but actually live in a cheap apt. built in the mid-1900's w/brown water and a rusted stove, cockroaches for pets and homeless people begging for quarters, nowhere near an arcade. You retards will spring into action outside of the country, how about helping the people in DC sleeping on heating grates? Spring into action there you stupid fucks. 

This whole world is one big clusterfuck. It's def no wonder the USA is the laughing stock of the it. What am I doing to change it? Aside from inner turmoil and the occasional spiteful rambling not much of anything. I guess I'm a hypocrite. Either that or I haven't found the right path of attack, or I don't have enough power to attack yet. I'll never go to jail though. The day I'm about to go to jail is the day I blow my brains out instead. 

Yes, it took me a long time to control tilt at the table, to let random beats slide off like ice on rubber, and yes if you read any of my blog posts and see how insane I sound, you should realize that there's hope for you as well if you tilt a lot. If i can do it, you can most definitely do it! 

Btw send more HH's please. jaguar@deucescracked.com or pm me. GG peeps. 

I would prefer them to be in a format that works with popopopopopoppop's replayer. Something standard. Anything from 25NL+ is cool in 6 max or FR, just make sure that it's not a very basic spot or something you can find the answer to pretty easily. Include the following:

1. the hand history (obv!)

2. any reads on villain

3. your thought process (what/why/naked bitches)

4. any additional info you feel is relevant. 

I'm going to be using some of these to make short vids and build content for my upcoming site freepokercoaching.net. 

I won't get to every hand, and I won't be responding to you directly, they'll be posted on FPC. if I choose your hand I'll try to email you and give you a heads up but no promises. 

Tentative launch date at this point is October 1st if all pans out. 

Everyone is as crooked as an Earth-sized abstract painting. As jagged as a landfill full of broken glass. I know we should care and punish and the ultimate end all is that there should be consequences to actions, something tangible to show accountability. The reality is there isn't. There's only knowledge of and self-protective recognition. When a man is full of himself and believes he's sweet like the Kool-Aid Man's baby sauce he's often just as blind. Wrapped up like an exquisite bunch of grapes in a vinyl green sheath waiting for some Roman God to kindly come and feast, to feel the touch of silken skin and watch the lust in royal eyes. It is quite clear that mirrors cannot lie, and crystal is transparent. Likewise, the murky shadows of a dimly lit swamp can often confuse travelers. The musky fog that rides quietly above the pattering surface is filled with self-centered momentum. 

In the end our shoulders shrug and we peel those same blankets over our weary heads. Unlike the Christmas candy canes that dance and summon butterflies we rest uneasy, drifting from one uncomfortable thought to the next until our eyes settle on someone we love, or something we care about, in the darkness. We cannot believe, though we cannot concern, and a new day begins. Much like the previous there are woes and ahh's with bacon and cold orange juice. The cut hasn't healed but the bandage is good for at least another 17 hours, or until we scrape it off in hasty exit of our shampoo colored vehicle. 

Not even sure what I'm getting at in this post to be honest. It's something like focus on what's important to you and live your life full of things that you love and are passionate about. The key to happiness lies within you, not in some foreign land. Every day our society becomes more oppressive. Every day the people in power are dumber and more powerful. Every day the hard working must stretch like a prisoner on a rack to achieve peace and rest. Every day death is creeping down the hallway of your life. Spark your passion like a violent lightning, and never give up or give in. Where there's a problem, there's a solution. As above, so below. 

Oh and our Youtube page is nearly done. What do ya'll think? 

http://www.youtube.com/user/freepokercoaching 

:D

These are words that emit a high emotional response. Either that or they were cool in the movie Hackers. The real point of you clicking this blog post is to check out a sneak preview, a video intro for a project of mine. Something you may be interested in now, or in the future when it launches :)  Feel free to share any thoughts/ideas/opinions/beliefs/assaults/thrashes/bashes/mashes (potato only plz no sour). You feel me knockin'? Well lemme in!

I have a few extra hours floating around for coaching. It's summertime and I'm stuck to the AC, not the molten pavement. I'm still working on the poker project mentioned in my last blog post and it's coming closer to fruition. I'll have more updates soon and I think it's going to be really sweet. It could also smash my balls but that's not really my style. My ball vpip increases with bitches in the blinds and heavily decreases with dudes mouths sauntering around. Anyway here's the groove....
1. You have to pm me and mention this blog or email DC and mention this blog for this rate. 2. You have to agree to have the sessions recorded and maybe posted on a website. 3. I'll need a screenshot of you defeating Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!
Rates are as follows:
1 hour - $75
4 hours - $275
First come, first served capped at 8 students. Cheap cheap. (I guess we can pass on the Tyson screenshot.)  

I'm working on something that's going to be beneficial to players of all skill levels but especially for beginners and intermediate players. 

What I'd like to know from all ya'll beginners out there (both live and online) is what topics you find the most daunting? What troubles you the most? I could obviously think about what I  think the biggest leaks/issues beginners have are but I'd like to know straight from the source. If anyone else would like to chime in on what they think that's definitely cool as well. I think you guys will enjoy this when it comes to fruition. :) 

Running a couple more groups. 

http://www.deucescracked.com/forums/19-Coaching/238911-6mNLHE-Group-Coaching?page=4&per_page=15

I'm set up on Merge at the moment, and though the software isn't as clean cut as FTP's it's by far more reasonable than some other sites I've played on in the past. Though I do miss ballin' out with a bagel or a cigar next to me ala Paradise Poker days. (I was playing 25NL at the time, and my SN was Sea Monkey :D) I actually like the site, and obviously there's not a lot of traffic at the stakes I'm playing but when the games are good and not shit, they're the equivalent of like 100NL on FTP. The other day I actually saw someone limp. They limped! Today there was a guy moving all-in every hand :D That was sweet too. 

I've been kinda quiet since the whole Black Friday thing happened. This is out of the fear that a blog post from me may attract more attention than I'm interested in attracting, since we all know that I tend to run my mouth to the extreme, I rock a mic like a vandal. 

If anything this whole ordeal has shown me how important it is for me to get myself grinding while I still have a chance. Reading Jared Tendler's new book (which I snap ordered and am already familiar with a lot of what he's saying from farming his videos in the Stoxpoker days, I've always been a huge JTend fan) and thinking about what stops me and what starts me etc. I had kind of an epiphany. Well, it's not that epic but for other players like myself who don't put volume in for whatever reason, aside from starting a Fight Club style support group, it may be a useful piece of information. That's what this game is all about anyway right? 

Are you ready for it? Shut the whiny kids up, put your girls bra back on (you can just hold it there for a sec), turn down the TV and the movies because it's a doosy. 

I want you to ask yourself a question. How many times in the average session of poker that you play, are you faced with a truly difficult decision? This is obviously going to be different for everyone but on average how many times? I know that when I play I'm faced with few truly tough decisions per session. What qualifies as a tough decision is obviously variable and up for debate but it should consist of a decision that you had a hard time making, or a situation that you're not familiar with. I don't want to take this to the extreme to where people are saying "well if you don't have any tough decisions, you've stopped learning and maybe you should take a step back." There will clearly be a lot of spots where the % of the time we make one decision or the other is very neck-and-neck, and depending on our level of play, thought process, approach to the game etc. level of focus etc. etc. etc. all that jazz, we may make the wrong decision more than we should. 

Basically I'm saying that the things that come naturally to you when you're playing you've internalized and learned well. Like raising AA preflop or folding 72. They're no brainers right? So from the scope of no brainer raises to no brainer folds, calls, whatever. They're that way because of experience. So while someone who plays 1KNL may drop down and LOL at his situations at 25NL, someone at 25NL may have a lot more stop and think/decide situations come up, lack of experience, too many tables, lack of focus, insert the laundry list of reasons here. The bottom line though, is that on average you probably don't have that many tough decisions per session that you play. What does that mean? It means there's a lack of effort in the non-poker decision variables. For example, I hate bothering to table select. I still bounce from total shit tables and look for the donator, but it's annoying to me to find and wait and bla bla bla, even starting tables you sit for inf. This process negates my ability to play because I don't want to jump the hurdle. It's a poor excuse but it's part of the problem for me personally. I know I know, tough fucking life, gotta game select a fish, boo fucking hoo. For some people they may hate reviewing sessions, or tilt too fast, or table selecting like me, or something else that's not the actual decision making process. Because let us face it :) You aren't faced with that many difficult decisions on a per sessions basis. Which brings me to a couple of other points. 

It's easier to pinpoint what your having trouble with. If it's not something you don't know you're doing wrong, no matter how hard it is to convince you that you may be making a mistake, if you think it's correct, your mind is comfortable with it. You're at ease taking those lines, making those bets/folds/raises. If it's something you're actively working on, or that you're constantly uncomfortable with. Take a look at those HH's and see if you can find a common issue (or ask someone else, but don't tell them you're looking for patterns if you don't think they can objectively help you). Are you constantly readless? Are you always misplaying overpairs on later streets? Whatever it is, this information is the most useful for you. Draw from this.

It's easier to focus on those tough decisions once you know and recognize that you're not faced with many per session (on average remember, sometimes the waves of variance are going to choke you the fuck out regardless). 

It's easier to start sessions and put volume in once you realize that there isn't this wall of death bleeding brain warping decisions at you relentlessly. Most of your session can be pretty relaxed and focused. 

It's easier to work on the non-poker parts of your game that are holding you back, because you're becoming aware of them.

So get out of the mire, the dregs of session to session sorrow, and see if this helps at all. It's helped me, now I just need to increase the length of sessions :) One step at a time in my lifelong battle. 

 A word on adjusting to your opponents. I was rambling to a student the other day and went off on a tangent. I learn well visually, and logically. When I'm shown something I can replicate it and understand why nigh immediately. I may not be awesome at it at first, but I'm well on my way. It connects for me in that sense. Everyone learns differently, some may learn better from books. Which bore me and make a great sleeping aid (not all the time, but a high % of the time books are sleep material for me). Imagine for a minute that you have various aspects of your poker game laid out on a control center. When you sit down to play a session, you have your control center in front of you and one pops up for each opponent, like a HUD. Based on their play, you turn those dials up or down to take advantage of and exploit. So if you know one player calls turns too much, that leads to a weak river range, and he folds to much there and doesn't bluff-catch enough, you turn up the triple barreling dial, and may turn down the knob that controls the hands that have no equity on the turn or the worst equity hands that you get there with, to a point. I would say it's a lot like a guitar player and his amp or effects pedals, or a painter mixing paints for specific colors. Think about something you're good at, that you have this kind of control of. Now think about how it relates to poker and adjusting to opponents. Next time you're playing a session view that control grid, one guy 3b's too much you open less/4b bluff more/4b lighter for value etc. etc. whatever tools from the kit that you want to use, until you face another knob that needs tuning. Apologies if this sounds like the babbling of a madman but this stuff really helps me, and may help some of you. 

One more thing that's been coming up a lot in poker discussion. Actually nah I'm going to write about that in another blog. So the focal point of this one isn't lost. :D