June 06, 2013

New (Online) Poker Movie!

My thoughts, in bullet form.

  • 00:17 - Nice bankroll management BRO!
  • 00:29 - Does he mean 3-tabling is statistically the right play?
  • 00:29 - They are LITERALLY cheering for his big play money win. See here - http://i.imgur.com/hy15BJr.png
  • 00:33 - Obviously busts out while single tabling. Statically the wrong move JTT!
  • 00:37 - This guy just won the "post your setup!" thread for SURE.
  • 00:57 - Ben Affleck to the rescue? Trivia - he was owed $500k by UB!
  • 00:59 - You would never use those dice to play craps at a casino!
  • 01:17 - 100% no risk stake for JTT.
  • 01:29 - Spoiler alert - that's just JTT off for the worst bachelor party ever.
  • 01:42 - Do you think Affleck demanded a scene where he could showcase his hoops skills?
  • 01:49 - The FBI? Where's the DoJ?
  • 02:06 - Can't really mock the badass scene.
  • 02:24 - So now we know how the negotiation went. "Guys, I'll do the movie. BUT...you will let me showcase my sweet hoop moves in one scene as well as a cameo for my 2 pet crocodiles, Matt and Damon." And thus the realization that Affleck plays a villain in this movie and Damon played the hero in the 1st one dawns on me.

Despite this movies lack of Russians in track jackets I will certainly see this. Maybe the 1st night it comes out. Let's be honest - we're all a little excited. And jeez, if AMERICA would just REGULATE it we wouldn't have Slam Dunk Affleck terrorizing the Suit and Tie Songbird! STEP IT UP USA!

Posted By danzasmack at 11:45 PM


Tags: Runner Runner Online Poker Movie

June 06, 2013

Rockin' the WSOP

Hey all! Here in Vegas at the Rio. I took a summer off last year for various reasons and it was a great idea. It's nice to be back at the WSOP excited about playing poker and excited about just the WSOP in itself. Staying with Wilt who I haven't seen in a very long time. The way underrated part about coming out to Vegas is the opportunity to catch up with a bunch of people you haven't seen.

This morning Wilt and I grabbed food with a buddy/former student of his. He mentioned that WSOP.com emailed him that the games were live so obviously I was chomping at the bit to check it out. Ever the skeptic, Wilt and I propped (my beer to his order of wings) that the games were not live.

We strolled back over to the Rio and walked down the infamous hallway that needs some sort of nickname. Those of you who have never been - it's a long, cavernous hallway that has booths up the wazzoo - all peddling wares for the fanniest of poker fan boys. Some of it I get (poker books) but the rest of the "poker clothing" stuff I'm not too keen on. Even on my 1st trip to Vegas where I stood outside Bobby's Room like they were giving away flags* I don't think I'd buy poker attire. Besides - if I buy it, what are my relatives going to get me for Christmas?! But what do I know. 

Anyway - the hallway. Just littered with bad beat stories. The first words I heard in Vegas not from my cab driver were of course "Man that was such a dumb call." They have these benches which I'm pretty sure were put there to give someone a place to sit when they call their friends to tell them how they busted out. The walk in is full of optimistic and determined struts and the walk out is literally where poker dreams go to die. Keep in mind I say this all as both an observer and willing participant. I'm not some tourny reg who rolls up thinking "just another day in the grind!" The older I've gotten the more I've returned to those dreams of bracelet glory.

Cab driver side note - he literally asked me - "How do you get a woman in NY?" I don't know if he was asking about a "companion" for a night or was mocking my physical appearance (there was a slight stress on the YOU) but regardless I was uncomfortable haha. For those of you wondering what I answered I simply said "you talk to them." Because THAT works.

So we're walking down the hallway looking for the "Lambada Room" so we can check out WSOP.com. Wilt and I finally stumble upon these girls in Vegas attire asking us to register as it will give us a chance at a free entry to any WSOP event. Sure thing! We were going to sign up anyway. After the girl breaks my heart and puts a beer in Wilt's pocket (by losing me the bet and telling me that I can NOT play on there today, not literally sliding a beer into his pocket...or pouring one though that would be even more awkward and funny) we go to register when I stop and tell her we can't as I don't know what username I want to use. This didn't make any sense to this girl but as an online poker player in America the 2nd most exciting thing about legal online poker is the plethora of new screen names you get to use! Are you going to go old school? Should I bring back BigEarn!?! Will Jay sign up as pr1nnyraid? Should we expect to see big name pros use their standard names? The possibilities! "Don't you have one already?" That is FLIGHT SURGEON HOGWASH**!

So Wilt and I took a long, introspective walk around the Amazon room. Deep in thought about what we wanted our WSOP.com names to be. Am I happy with my selection? No. I went with Oluvlydenise for the relaxing, good time name. As I sit here writing I think I should have brought back an old party name or something. But maybe it's too soon. I don't know!  I was not prepared. But in life, when you make a decision, you can kick yourself until it hurts or you can live it. Though usually it's the 1st then the 2nd.

Anyway I'm up here in the room now after unsuccessfully depositing on UltimatePoker (waiting for a support ticket reply - I WILL play legal online poker before I leave!) getting ready to head down to play for a bit. I have some hilarious stories from the tables already - some of which will make it to Live Poker Edge and others I'll probably share on here.

BTW - random poker gossip I won't post on NVG because I don't know anything about this but apparently "The Big Game" moved over to the Venetian this week - most likely due to beef with the Bellagio. Beef. I'm hungry. Wish me the luck! All the luck!

*flags are $5k chips at the Bellagio.

**Anyone seen Apollo 13 with the curses cut out?

Posted By danzasmack at 11:29 PM


Tags: live poker wsop rio Live Poker Edge

May 08, 2012

Blog post?

Nope, just Chuck Testing.

Posted By danzasmack at 04:51 PM


Tags: poker holdem online poker

April 18, 2011

You have to smile sometimes.

One of the greatest men on Earth, my grandpa, said to me - "Make sure you have a little bit of fun every day".

Joe and I (or at the very least me) will be releasing a Hey Smile podcast every day this week. Telling fun stories about online poker, being optimistic, and basically reminding you to contact government officials.

Posted By danzasmack at 05:49 PM


March 30, 2011

Let Me Get a Bite of That

Nothing makes me more upset than a random blog post that says "sorry I haven't updated in a while". I am incredibly non-apologetic when it comes to not updating my blog. The only time I really felt bad was the summer when I was updating every day from the Vegas house then got sick and then didn't update ever again.

As for now, honestly, I had nothing to say worth reading that was not already in Hey Ball, which has been released on time and with passion for oh some time now! Hoping to get a surprise in the upcoming episode.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I still find Herm Edwards incredibly annoying.

Posted By danzasmack at 02:54 PM


December 21, 2010

Listening to Joe Player Poker is Amazing

Joe and I chat quite a bit outside of epic Hey Ball convos. Right now he is grinding some stud while I am preparing my chinese food order (because it is delicious and we are now seeing a direct correlation between my blogging frequency and my hunger). Anyway, Joe has been making random comments like "can't get past 4th street" and "just binged a nasty...shit". It is pretty sweet.

Anyway, on to more important things. DeucesCracked member 24offsuit and I both need some Adrian Peterson magic tonight. So, prepare for the Adrian Peterson Drinking Game (official that is). What's that Chuck? You found another way to use bullet points? Also - wow. Did you just have to sit Peterson for Gerhart? yes. So now it's Toby's Favorite Drinking game.

  1. Whenever Toby gets the ball, you start drinking.
  2. You continue drinking until Toby is brought down/goes out of bounds.
  3. If Toby scores, you finish that drink.

Boom. Go Toby go.

Posted By danzasmack at 12:06 AM


December 20, 2010

Latest Blog Uproar

UPROAR! The latest post has readers in an uproar. Apparently the use of bullett points is something frowned upon in a lot of circles.

But seriously, Christmas Vacation wouldn't make the list because I ACTUALLY paid attention to that movie. Tons of times. "Shitter's full!" Amazing. Especially because I'm pretty sure Randy Quaid actually lives in a mobile home ducking the IRS or something. He definitely wrecked a hotel I know that.

Anyway, this week is Christmas week. We all know what that means. Actually, we don't. I don't. Let's all create uproar and demand we get the fireworks back for the week here on DeucesCracked. Those fireworks were to say the least explosive.

Posted By danzasmack at 06:48 PM


December 18, 2010

Holiday Movies and I am Hungry

First off I'm pretty hungry so let's just get that cat out of the bagel now. (Rugrats quote, true story)

Anyway I was listening to some INTERNET RADIO - corollary - how has internet radio gotten some absurd name? - and the topic of holiday movies came up. What is the BEST holiday movie? Clearly answer that question in comments.

I don't really like any holiday movies. I never really paid close attention to any of them so I have a very vague recollection of what actually happened in all of them. Please don't tell me what happened, don't correct any of these in any way. I want to remember them like this until I'm at a holiday party SO BORING I say to myself "I will actually sit through this and see what happened". Plus I think there's a decent chance my recollection of what happened is significantly better than the movie itself. Without further ado, let's hammer out a list using the deucescracked blogging platform bullet system. Technology is our enemy so we must keep is closer than our friends.

  1. Miracle on 34th Street - Santa is real but he works at Macy*s. I'm sure it's because he can reach a lot of people but once you start taking that edge off it's nice to infer that the economic hard times have spread all the way to the north pole and santa needs some extra cash.
  2. A Christmas Story - idiot kid is warned about the dangers of a bb gun, like all idiot kids says "i'll be fine" and then ACTUALLY shoots himself in the eye. It's like when I was a kid and my parents told me I couldn't play with this old lightbulb (I liked to take stuff apart and then make weird contraptions with them blah blah). They said I would break the light bulb and get glass everywhere. I said I wouldn't. I was an idiot kid so...
  3. It's a Wonderful Life - I like this one I lied.
  4. Babes In Toyland - I'm pretty sure this is like some TWISTED adventure with evil monkeys and things coming to life and evil does not prevail. Someone gets killed but there's no blood.
  5. Home Alone - Ok. I remember the old man who slaughters people with a shovel. The problem is these movies are all a big mix to me. One time he's in NYC and those guys are the sticky bandits. The 1st one they are the wet bandits. I could go on for hours on these movies and how creepy that guy who slaughters people with the shovel is. A snow shovel is a deadly weapon.

I'm pretty sure those are the top 5 holiday movies of all time. Bad Santa gets an honorary mention for the one like about not shitting right for a week. That line is so vulgar I can only type it, not say it lol.

Off to a family holiday party. This one should be fun though so no movies.

Posted By danzasmack at 10:52 PM


December 17, 2010

So Sick.

I honestly don't remember the last time I was this sick for this long in the winter. My stupid bedroom does a very bad job of keeping me warm, despite double blankets (OMG A DOUBLE BLANKET). Maybe I should invest in a snuggy. Though I feel like a semi-grown man home alone in a snuggy is on par with  introducing someone to Chris Hansen and him saying "Oh, we've met" for level of creepiness.

Hey Ball is on a roll which is nice. Joe and I love hearing from the listeners so please post in the thread - especially as this weeks "Holiday Cocktail Extravaganza" episode is being prepared. Joe's eggnog sounds terrible. The only cocktail I know how to make is Dewar's Rocks. You put ice in with the Dewar's. My brother is going to make a ton of fancy drinks for a small family party this friday, I'll post some sweet pics and then post some pics of my dog because he is handsome.

I have been passing the sick time with $25 RUSH PLO. Yes. So amazing and so addictive. It's like a video game. So far I am 8 buyins below EV and thrilled. Seriously, if you're going to be 8 buyins below EV, is there a better game (obv smaller stakes but you know what I mean)? I think I played like 3k hands last night, my eyes glazed over and my head throbbing. I look and feel exactly the same now, which is win. PLO is a lot of fun.

Other than that, the holidays are actually pretty nutso for me. So get me some cocktail recipes!

Posted By danzasmack at 09:02 PM


December 02, 2010


Slash was on Conan this week. Slash is a great example of why you don't wear a stupid hat. Greg Raymer has to wear those glasses everywhere. If Slash has kids I bet he has to wear that hat and glasses everywhere. I wonder if he goes to important events in that hat and sunglasses. I bet if he showed up somewhere without that stuff on he would get in trouble for not wearing it.

Anyway, Greg Raymer is badass and all but I really would hate myself for wearing those glasses. EVERYWHERE you go "Hey GREG! GREG! Where are your glasses?" Also they were ugly.

Anyway, several Hey Ball episodes in a row is win. Also wine.


Posted By danzasmack at 02:53 AM


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