This post really got very very long, I'm actually surprised myself
So maybe you want to get yourself a coffee and food for three days before you start reading
I'm a big fan of your series, cause it's maybe the one that will help me the most, cause I'm just a huuuuge tilter.
If someone would say that I am my worst poker enemy he would be totally right.
Normally I'm a pretty calm guy (very emotional though, but mindfull emotional) I help solving arguments, don't have huge arguments that often, I'm pretty much good friend with everybody (as far as this is possible ), but when it comes to poker and computer games in general I'm just very prone to tilting since I was a little child hammering on my keyboard because I lost some stupid little game.
It's really not funny and I suffer a lot from it, not only in the poker world were I lose a ton of money because of it, but also in real life, cause I scream and shout through the whole house, which annoys the persons around me (esp my mother, cause I live at home) and destroyed my mouse several times and also a keyboard, a headset and a pokerstars stress-star (lol, cheap crap).
I'm ashamed for this everytime again but I can't stop it.
I tried so many things, watched psychology vids on another site (which were not even close to as good as your series), bought a psychology book, read a ton about this topic in several forums/blogs and worked with your series, but it just doesn't get that much better.
There is a little little little bit of an improvement, but I'm far away from my first and most important goal, which is stop annoying other people around me (second goal would be to stop annoying myself).
For example today I played for a while, being pretty calm and tiltless (there were a few situations where I was tiltet a bit, but I was able to manage them pretty well) and than suddenly I drop like 3 stacks or whatever amount in a few hands which destroys my session totally (I know this is wrong view, but I just think that way in that moment).
I played and played and made good decisions but now it was all for nothing, I even lost some money (again wrong view, but I can't turn it off). And this huge fish just played terribly wrong and it was the worst card in the deck that came on the turn and pokerstars is such a ****** software and rigged and blablabla... wrong view over wrong view over wrong view.
I try to overcome this, but it just seems impossible to me if those things that tilt me happen so fast in a row. I'm basically not done with the first tilt activator and then the next thing happens and it just builds up on each other.
To make it visual: I'm on 0 on the tilt scale, after a beat I get on 50 "degree tilt", I breath in and out, in and out, try to do all the things I learned from you and it gets better and I move down to 20 degree tilt.
But then another thing happens: BOOM, oh no, not again! This time it tilts me even more, so together with the 20 degree tilt I'm now on 100!
Ok, calm down, calm down, BUT... now it's just far more difficult to get down on the tilt scale, cause my mind is shutting down more and more, I just get slowly down to 70 degree tilt and how it goes, if there were two tilt activators the third isn't far away (this might even be a thing I don't care about if it happens if I'm at 0 degree tilt) and suddenly I'm on 180 and in my evolution back to the stone age. Ugga Ugga destroy mouse, now keyboard, let out brute screams Ugga Ugga!! I'm basically a tilt monkey now, totally mindless.
I try to get back to normal, breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out but it doesn't help anymore no matter how often I do it.
I just need to let my aggression go out somehow, which results in those destroyed things, the persons around me being annoyed and me being ashamed and having lost some money.
But what can I do against this?
How can I reduce my "tilt degrees" faster?
How can I get back to mindfull in 180 situations where the breathing thing doesn't work?
Maybe this is a problem of me being alone infront of my computer, because if somebody is watching me play (standing/sitting next to me or sweating through the internet while talking through skype or whatever) I'm faaaar less likely to tilt.
Actually I don't tilt at all if somebody is standing next to me (maybe because it wasn't the case that often and just in some good sessions) and not that often if someone is watching through the internet.
It also helps to make a video while playing (but this is less effective than having somebody else to talk to).
Is this because I just stay more mindfull in those situations?
And how can I take those benefits into daily grind, where I just can't have somebody next to me all the time?
Why can't I control my emotions while being alone whereas I can control them if someone is around?
How can I practice to control them while being alone?
Maybe I should quit immediatly everytime I get a bad beat/cooler or whatever is tilting me?
But thats no solution forever, cause it would result in many very short sessions, which would reduce my winrate (cause I couldn't wait for the blinds to come along, cause in those hands there might be another tilt activator), I would have to leave all the tables which I choose in a time costing selection and the next session I would have to table select again.
And I want to overcome tilt and not let tilt dictate me how to play poker!
The most important thing for me at the moment is to stop influencing other persons lifes, which I think totally sucks, cause I can imagine how angry I would be if someone screams through the house while I try to sleep a bit after lunch.
I don't want to quit poker, cause I love the game, I have fun playing it (most of the time, obv not if I'm on tilt), I have invested so much time learning the game and getting better and the money is a very good bonus, but if I continue to tilt that hard there is basically no other way.
Hopefully I described my situation well enough to get some good advice and hopefully it didn't bore you too much.