My mind is all fucked up right now.
Fathers Day I get to the weekly home game an hour early. House is open as usual, no other players there, host is upstairs. It's just me and the cook. Killing time and helping out, I take the 2 decks out of the dealer box and put the cards in order. They both were in play in Friday nights game. I left then at 10pm, the game lasted til 2am. The first deck I assemble there are 2 Ace of Spades. My mind immediately begins to spin. What do I do? Who do I address? Should I say anything at all? I've been playing at this game for a year twice a week. It's 2/5 NLH. I'm a $20 an hour winner. I decide to text the host: "I'm downstairs, I need to speak to you" he says "I'll be down soon."
By the time he comes down, 4 other players are there, all regulars that have been playing at this game for years. I decide there should be no secrets and everyone in the room should know. I asked the host if these decks were in play Friday night, yes they were. I show him the card. He gasp and says no that can't be. I say yes. The other players are silent, looking at each other with awkward, almost blank steers. Host says there was an ace missing. I put another 6 decks together, he did 4... The card didn't have a home. nothing more was said. Just so happen the game didn't take off because most players had other plans. This is rare. I of course felt uncomfortable and decided to leave, even though I was begged to stay.
This game has private dealers. The Host also deals. The game is raked 10%, up to $10 per pot. Dealers get tipped and/or a % of the rake. Hot, fresh food, snacks, and an open bar is provided. This is a lucrative business for the house. These games run rampant in the area, numerous games everyday of the week. I would say there about 60 or so in the entire players pool. Each different house game have about the same 5 players playing, but not the same 5 at every game.
I've been playing Poker, live cash, for 4 years, an $7 an hour winner over 1800 logged hours. I've began to take my game to the next level, listening to podcast, watching videos, posting. My goal was to hopefully play fulltime within 2 years. I thought I could play these games in the area and do well. Now, I'm totally lost.
Everything is finally making sense. They raking way to much, maybe up to $2k taken off the table, or more. Maybe these "regulars" play for the house. Maybe the dealers are cutting to much. Maybe we're all fools and the hosts and select players are the ones laughing to the bank. The economy is also weak and the player pool is drying up. Most are losers...
I'm just furious inside and confused. The closest casino is 3 1/2 hours away. I'm not gonna play online. I put to much hope and dreams into this game. It's the only thing that I've had a strong enough interest in, the closest thing for a passion. Now my head seems to have a sense of clarity yet surrounded by fog.
I'm questioning everything now. My career, my marriage, my life. I've been so zoned into thinking this game would be my future, now I'm not so sure.
I had my mind set on getting out of the military in 2 years, putting me at a total of 9. Just want to be done with it all.
Obviously anyone would say you'd be a fool to get out, but the military isn't life support. There is life after it. We won't die.
I've been on the verge of divorcing my wife for a few years now. My idea, not hers. Issues unrelated to gambling. Poker is the only form of gambling I do and I've been a winner. We have a 5 yo daughter.
In my thirties and still don't know who or what I want to be. Just lost.
That Ace of Spades... A curse or a blessing??? Hopefully I'll figure it out sooner than later
So, my fellow trolls, I chose to share my mess, now do your thing!