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Hey DCer's, I havent been on here for a long...mainly due to university work and wanting to concentrate on that. Anyway the MSc is going really well and I am applying for PhD's at the moment and jobs. But 3 weeks ago I had a complete mental breakdown and my mood swings were getting out of control. It ended up with me getting so desperate I had to phone Samaritans for help because I was feeling suicidal and had no idea why and its not the first time either. They told me to see a doctor ASAP.

So the next day I went to see my local GP, who gave me antidepressants...which turns out to be one of the worst things you can give to someone exhibiting bipolar disorder symptoms. They sent me manic for the next week and my older brother was so concerned he drove over to see me, since hes also bipolar and is a mental health nurse. The manic episode ended and I felt horrendous again and I got taken to A&E. They referred me to another doctor who then referred me to the local psychiatric hospital where I was seen by an SHO. I have been put in the system and have seen the psychiatrist, but need further appointments to get an official diagnosis. At the moment its either Cyclothymia or Bipolar II disorder.

Im kind of relieved to be honest. Lots of my friends have freaked out over the news and are worrying but for me the worst is over! Im looking forward to keeping my good traits and eliminating the ones I dont like, mainly the defeatist attitude I get when depressed or discouraged. It also explains a whole lot of why I behave the way I do sometimes, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad.

So onwards and upwards, possibly down again but hey thats nothing new!

Sounds like a crazy month, glad you got it sorted. Get ready for your upswing

And so what? I think 90% of us are just the same as you, and worst of that, maybe 80% will die without knowing that. GL bro!

Good luck man !

I am sure you will have some great support here from all of us.

If there is anything we can do for you as a DC-group, please let us know !!

gl KB! I read this book a few months ago, worth the read for anyone who has bipolar illness or is close to someone with it: http://www.amazon.com/An-Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Madness/dp/0679763309

Rule number one, as you've found out, don't trust doctors unquestionably (or any authority). You're likely to get put on a drug/drug cocktail, not told about side effects, encouraged to be kept on the same drug regardless of any side effects developing then criticised if you want to stop for any reason. You may get additional support but it's unlikely unless you have chronic severe problems for a few years. Depends where you are though.

The mhs in the UK is utterly retarded in general (for example why is the suicide rate for doctors so high if they know how to treat mh issues well?). But it's a lot more than that involving real concerns about reductionism, social control, scientism, corruption, publication bias, research funding, etc, not unfounded hysteria by liberal arts fairies. and not something to get into on this kind of forum. I'm assuming you're in the UK unless they have SHOs lots of other places too. If you'd like to read another side you could look at Moncrieff or Lucy Johnstone's books. GL...

Best of luck man, Goes without saying, im sure that dc members will be here for you if you ever needed to talk (add me on skype if you want)

Glad you getting sorted, probably not knowing is the worst bit.

Curious how this disorder will affect how you hande the upswings and downswings we have in poker?

Now you're totally sure it's not just being a Kopite this season... I feel the same way. Joy, pain, joy, pain.

No, joking aside, my best mate from home has the same thing and had a huge episode years ago when he went hyper-manic. Once it was identifed and managed it got a lot easier for him and I'm sure it will for you now.

It's great that your posting here about it, people shouldn't be embarrassed about mental health issues. Far more people suffer than need to and when it is hidden in some cases it ends in tragedy, just look at Gary Speed.

So, in a way, congratulations. Glad too you're getting sorted out.

Curious how this disorder will affect how you hande the upswings and downswings we have in poker?

Wow, thanks guys! Appreciate it a lot.

What I have noticed with regard to poker, or my main hobby which is guitar is that I get super super excited when I see progress. This leads me to obsess relentlessly over the subject at hand, and then leads to super unrealistic goals...well basically fantasizing about how bloody cool it would be to get to the very top. When these do not come to fruition, I get immediately discouraged and feel like a failure and get depressed, anxious and guilty. This has effected my poker big time and well everything from women to academia. Tilt has been a huge problem for me in the past and probably been exacerbated by the condition and I have quit several times and switched games a lot. I would love to come back to poker, but the simple fact is I am at the business end of my MSc quite literally and dont really have any spare cash. But I love this forum, lots of good intelligent discussion about a hell of a lot of interesting subjects and lots of good recommendations for films, working out, nutrition, books, documentaries.

I will return to the game, and really want to so I can pursue a great hobby in the right way with the correct mindset. I also think its best to leave it for a while anyway, going through some serious changes in my approach to living life, in a good way

One thing I would recommend for people to watch is the BBC documentaries by Stephen Fry called The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive. Its an extremely well done, and quite candid look at the illness and what it is like to live with it. Something I am finding hard to explain to people, so watch it!

Good luck to you bro. Hope you feel better and stay better. The glass is half full, sometimes that freaking glass is small but still half full.

good luck sir! you are brave to seek help and not be in denial or have a big ego about it.

It's great you're out of it's spell! I've got type II bi-polar, so have bit of a glimpse of what type I is like; all I can say is, I feel for you man, hope you do well.

+1 one to not trust doctors(I'd go further to say not to trust any authority, rather not to trust anything, even what you believe)

get ready to have everyone hate u, hope u get some good drugs

I have only read 3 posts today, and in the 3 of them the last post was made by borderline. Obviously, they were all stupid and childish.