Valkovuoto grinds himself a clownmobile

Hi.

I'm Valkovuoto, incase you know finnish you know what that means, if not then I won't tell you since you'd just think it's the sickest name ever. I'm from Finland, 30, and I've been playing poker on and off for about 4-5 years. During that time I've tried full ring FL, fullring NL, short NL, HU NL, MTT, sitngo's, some omaha. So really, most of the games and variants that most people play. The focus here is on trying. I've never done more than relatively short stints of the grind, so mostly it's been your usual buy in with 2-500 to a new site with somekind of rakeback deal, play a month, donk it away.

There have however been 2 exceptions to this. Abit over 2 years ago I did a rakerace, which was the first time ever that I've actually played over 10k hands in a month. I know, that's not very much. That ended about breakeven, with the rakerace prices abit on the + side. Once that was done I said to myself no more grinding, and tried a few tournaments and made about 4k+ in a month, coming in second in a 20k guaranteed and going deep in a 150k guaranteed. Life then threw a relationship at me so poker was out of the picture until the following summer, when I did my second stint of grinding, this time SitnGo's and MTTs. That ended with 1200 or so played in a month and a solid 1-2k profit for that time.

Then followed the usual tournament mistake of playing too many big tournaments compared to my bankroll size. I did manage to get into a bunch of 200$+ buyin tournaments, partly from satellites, partly by just buying in, but none produced a good win, and then the mental game went awry and I ended up burning the whole bankroll of that moment. (except for about 2k that I had moved to my normal bank account.)

Jumping forward to last autumn, with the relationship over, and long winter nights at home doing nothing, that desire to give poker another go was there, and so was the financial stability to not be constrained by not being able to make a deposit. Ideal situation, 1 year deucescracked membership was bought, 30 buyins for NL50€ moved to a new site and the grind starts over.

I used to make these goals for a year, and then never follow up on them, so I won't do that now. But there's always those goals of improving all aspects of my game, actually making a profit, and so forth...

And so far it's been pretty horrible. 

So I'm down about 11 buyins, which means I'm going to go down from NL50 to NL20 now, and obviously try to find some horrible leaks that I surely must have. I do realise games have evolved in the last 2 years but this is still pretty horrendous...