September 23, 2010
A Fucktastic Session
My Month:
So yeah, I'm pretty demoralized right now. Â I just lost 12bi in 300 hands or something in NL, that's a record for me. Â Not really sure how to feel but I guess in consolation at least I'm not tearing at myself mentally like I used to. Â I snapbooked another session w/Jared since I'm trying to re-wire myself mentally, I've decided I'll hold judgement and stay in a little shock before judging how all this happened.
Right now I'm still in disbelief/a little sad that it happened. Â Til now I was outplaying the guy and this session was a combination of run bad and retarded tilt where I stopped thinking and called off too light. Â Yeah, there was definitely tilt, once my mind shut off I should've stopped. Instead of analyzing hands, I just went with tp everytime and that's not correct at all when you play as loose as I do.
God earlier I was shocked/depressed/lonely. Â Heh, loneliness is an interesting feeling, it's something I don't have unless I'm losing at poker, like yesterday. Â I dated a girl for awhile in Canada, and while I was not in love with being in a relationship, I was in love with her. Â So I cut both of our losses short and moved back to San Diego.
It's annoying that I played poorly.  All I can do I think is to just keep my head up, learn from this session, come back and rape the shit out of him.  Unfortunately I don't have much money online  so we'll see how this turns out.  Another 10 buy-ins and I may regroup...we will see.  I'd hate to not continue my match.  I guess I really am showing progress w/Jared.  These types of graphs used to tilt me ridiculously hard.  Having a big profit and then losing it all is just one of the worst feelings but I'll get through it.  I mean c'mon, I beat 50nl, I know exactly what I'm doing.
9 Comments:
mitch posted on September 23, 2010 at 08:05 AM
Right now you're up $2600 for the month :)how you got there is irrelevant to now. We learn from the past, not dwell on it (what better way to dwell than looking at a graph).
And something I learnt yesterday, the only way you can become unattached from losing is to be unattached from winning. Would you feel differently if you were down 50k for the month then recovered to where you are now? Yet your in the same situation. Have a reaction to our good fortune or positive results is just as damaging to our mindfulness as having a reaction to losing.
I wonder what would happen if we never looked at a graph again, and our results periodically in only a long term perspective.
Gl with your journey :)
DiggerTheDog posted on September 23, 2010 at 12:30 PM
uggh - that graph looks like alot of my graphs excluding the 20k upswing.
I wish I had good advice but I don't.
Maybe take a break.
2fouroffsuit posted on September 23, 2010 at 17:28 PM
Really rough session. Great call snapbooking another session with Jared though. Take a small break for sure.
Here's a post from about a year ago that I really liked regarding downswings:;
http://www.deucescracked.com/forums/4-General-Discussion/topics/26652-A-different-angle-on-down
def +lifeEV.
You'll be back to crushing in no time.
GL
KasinoKrime posted on September 23, 2010 at 18:56 PM
"And something I learnt yesterday, the only way you can become unattached from losing is to be unattached from winning. "
Pretty awesome; so true.
Syous posted on September 23, 2010 at 19:26 PM
Thanks for the kind words guys, I feel a lot better today. It's pretty badass to be able to lose 30k and keep making money.
Mitch-
Your advice that kasinokrime quoted is very buddhist like however I've always had a problem with the Buddhist mentality. To become attached from winning to me means losing excitement from the game. Although I admit I don't nearly get as excited as often anymore but being a competitive person that I am, I love pursuing the win, the conquest.
I could be wrong but the way I interpret becoming attached from winning is to become indifferent, and if I am indifferent to the occupation that I love, what's the point of being human? What's the point of living?
I'll ask Jared for his thoughts on this.
mitch posted on September 24, 2010 at 05:01 AM
Being unattached doesn't mean being indifferent. It means being ok with whatever happens and seeing things how they really are. Understanding that winning is impermanent, and losing is too.
Winning is just a natural consequence of our actions, it's just a byproduct. We have no control over it, it indicates very little (especially in short term) and it's pretty much irrelevant. One you go allin on the turn the hand is over, you either made the right play or not, focusing or anything further; he calls, folds, wins, loses, it doesn't matter.
I'm competitive too, I like playing better than my opponents, I like improving and playing better today than yesterday, I like it when I make a good quit or prepare well. I like looking at a 100k graph and being happy, not because of my results but because of all the things I did that led to my results. I love playing poker, I get tremendous value from it, but for the right reasons. I'm a professional poker player, not a gambler, EV does what it does, and I'm cool with that.
Zanardi posted on September 24, 2010 at 06:02 AM
Keep playing and cheer up :)
TecmoSuperBowl posted on September 24, 2010 at 16:21 PM
"Unfortunately I don't have much money online"
This also can affect your mental state while losing. Even if your REAL roll is larger, sometimes not having many buyins in your account can make it more stressful. I used to keep a large chunk of my roll offline, but have found that keeping a good bit of it in my account makes the losing sessions hurt way less.
AMT posted on September 26, 2010 at 15:12 PM
Think it's time for another epic link to some old school gigabet:
http://archives1.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=singletable&Number=1825403&fpart=1&PHPSESSID=
good luck and stay focused and you'll get to where you want to be.
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