October 15, 2011
“Don't let your ego get too close to your position, so that if your position gets shot down, your ego doesn't go with it.”
So what is my position? Am I a poker player? Today I played a small session, lost 1.5 buy-in within 5 minutes and realised that the fact I haven't played in 1.5 months already made me rusty as fuck. What you don't train, goes away. For a long time I believed being persistent means continueing what you do no matter what. On the other hand I believed you need to set goals for yourself. It's not about the goal, it's about the person you become when you are working towards that goal.
Poker made me a hard worker. I think I never worked so hard to become good at something as at poker. Making music came naturally to me, I had a basic talent for it, and developed until I became good. I have become better at poker, but it took me hours of studying, coaching and talking to people on the interwebs to get a grasp of the basics. I am not dumb, but my capabilities are not geared towards poker. I am not as analytical as I wanted to believe in my poker days, I really don't like losing which is a great attitude to have in the boxing world, great in the business I am studying towards but horrible in poker haha
But I worked, I worked hard. I never was a great forum poster altho I think I did make some good posts that where more about the mental aspect of poker. I watched and learn from tons of videos and poker friends/coaches and I never been so dedicated to something. I worked hard and became a break even/small winning poker player. Mission accomplished. Now I am very ambitious to become extremely good in my education, and I like the fact that there is no variance.
Variance learned me I should just chill the fuck out in traffic, in interaction with people, during presentations, during boxing when my sparring partner is better.... well, it learned me that life can not be controlled. It learned me that the only thing I control is me. I control myself, I can get the most out of myself. I can achieve goals, I can decide to do or not do. I can choose my own lifestyle and how I fly myself thru life.
The dedication I now have with my education and with sports is because of poker, and I love it. The pain has come from the fact that I saw myself as a poker player rather then somebody that plays poker. The distinction seems small, but to me it's huge.
I am not a poker player. I am a human being. Poker is something I do. I am not a human doing.