July 31, 2012
I lost $110k playing 200/400 TD just now, which is a lot of my remaining bankroll. It was definitely bad bankroll management and definitely bad being unable to quit.
For some reason I believed that I had such an edge that I wouldn't suffer large swings, but obviously that isn't true. Now I'm at a stage where I'm not even sure I have an edge playing my default strategy which is a really bad thing for your game. I'm partially convinced I ran bad and just missed a lot of draws, or got overly coolered and outdrawn in a lot of spots but I'm not sure.
I have a weird mental block right now to be really annoyed about it, which is a bit odd and probably something that has come about from being accustomed to losing.
I realise that it happened and what it means, but what I'm feeling is a weird sense of futility about everything. There's no conceivable way of "recovering" it in the short term so I'm just kinda sitting here being meh.
I guess I need a real plan going forward, in terms of what to play. I've been in freefall since December and it needs to stop; I'm going to think long and hard about what to do next.