PLO Style

Okay. I did it again. This marks the 3rd or 4th time I’ve built a decent roll from a few hundred over a few months and proceeded to demolish it in one fell swoop.

I don’t know exactly what happened. I think it was a bit of a gradual deterioration of boundaries between limits combined with an accumulation of run bad and not quitting leading to tilt and then all out gambling way over my head. On some level I just gave up and I pretty much decided to bust my roll.

I’ve had tilt sessions before. Playing way longer than I should and dropping way more than was reasonable. This was by far the worst, at least on some level, probably because I kind of just stopped grinding and started gambling. Before I at least convinced myself I wasn’t tilting and kept playing, this time I just embraced it and let go.

Dejected but not devastated I talked to a friend of mine. My baby’s momma, Nicole. We’re family pretty much like brother/sister at this point we just don’t mesh as a couple. Anyway I told her what I did and while she doesn’t completely understand she tries to be there for me. She just told me pretty much that it will be alright. I just need to keep working at it. That I’ve done it before I can do it again and to learn from what I’ve done wrong. She even told me I just have to start stopping when I start losing. Pretty smart. In the end just hearing some reassurance and kind words went a long way to getting over it. (Not that I’m over it by any means).

It didn’t exactly help that the next day we recorded the BaseCamp video with DJ Sensei and my Mt. Robusto PLOtoon. I had some really misplayed hands in there but I learned a lot and it was cool experience.

After that I took a few days off and that helped a lot. I had to pretty much not to think about poker because it just made me tilt instantly. So I basically had to force myself to like play video games and go outside when I would have otherwise been playing.

My online roll is pretty much busto. Not completely, but certainly hurting. I don’t want to deposit but it might come to that. For now I’m just playing way less tables and for short amounts of time. Easing back into it and getting a rhythm.

Browsing the HSPLO forum on 2p2 I came across a post by LearnedFromTV that said he did pretty much the same thing on the same day even. So I found his blog at his and Blopp’s new website nutblocker.com and oddly enough it made me feel a little better. Not that someone else was suffering or that someone lost way more gold than me. I think it was more of this human thing that we’re all fallible and that we’re not alone. I think it also provided some reassurance that I’m not a total fuck up, it can happen to the best of us.

That, to me, makes it way more bearable and also much more of a learning experience. We have to remain diligent about how we go about working towards our goals because it’s all too easy to let it slip through our fingers.

LFTV also made a Goals post and in it mentioned not dwelling on the past but moving forward and focusing on improving and getting things done. I’m going to try and do the same.

I’ll have a goals post coming up soon.

Cheers guys, and here’s to brighter days.