January 12, 2010
I dislike blogging, it makes me imagine Iâ€™m talking to myself.
But maybe if I do it Iâ€™ll start listening.
We had a family discussion around the table this Christmas. My brother plays poker for recreation in a pub league. I used to play it too but I just, one day stopped.
My mother didnâ€™t understand why either of us played. My brother said it was a social thing. I said I played for the money. Mother glared at me, Brother mocked me.
How often do you play?
1 hour a day on average
How much do you win?
up $200 this year, about 8BB/h
So .30c a day? Whatâ€™s the point
well I just moved up to 5NL, eventually Iâ€™ll be making a meaninful amount hopefully
It was a difficult thing from me to reason properly though.
It made me ask myself â€“ why am I playing?
Is it for the money, present and implied?
I donâ€™t play facebook poker â€“ ever, even at work in lunch breaks.
I donâ€™t play the pub league anymore. I just grind it out at ÂµNL online. 1 hour a day.
And that hour a day took some will power to attain.
Iâ€™d been playing for 2 years before DC one table 3 hours a week maybe. That was recreational without a doubt. But I wanted to be a winner, and a winner at meaningful stakes.
I want to win at 2NL.
I want to win at 5NL too, not only because I think I can beat 2NL. â€œThe money wont change me!â€
But I also hate being at a minority limit. Most people I interact with online play a higher limit â€“ as is expected. I expect when I move to the small stakes pool Iâ€™ll be annoyed to be playing 100NL and want move up with the 600NL players.
Maybe itâ€™s not about the money then. Maybe money is just a measure of ability.
Maybe I play for the affirmation, that I have skill, beyond the average player in my peer group?
Something Nasim Nicholas Taleb said in â€œFooled by Randomnessâ€ â€“ about how we assign value based on our peer group. A lawyer living in a downtown New York apartment earning 250k a year is wealthy by the standards of most Americans. But he will always compare and be compared to the Stock brokers earning million $ bonuses living in the top floors of his block, and naturally feel inferior. Should he move to the suburbs he would instanly receive a boost to his percieved status.
Iâ€™ve also begun wondering if I play poker for the same reasons some people play Golf? Not because I enjoy the social aspects, not because I enjoy hitting balls with sticks.
I think I just want to beat the challenge.
Then also I think Iâ€™d like to be able to withdraw enough to go on a nice Holiday each year. But you canâ€™t move up if you withdraw your winingsâ€¦