June 15, 2010
Living the lonely single life...
I'm feeling a lot better. I'm back to eating almost my normal amount. My mind is still racing, but I can deal with it. Life is sure a lot more depressing and lonely. I haven't been happy for two weeks. Probably will never experience what happy is again. I can still have fun and get excited, but the happiness isn't there. There are perks to the single life, but I hate not being able to share my life with someone. I used to be a tad pessimistic. Now I can't see the good in anything. I cannot listen to music anymore. It reminds me of Courtney. All songs are about love. They are either about breaking up or how happy their life is. The breaking up songs make me depressed and the songs about being happy make me more depressed because it reminds me of how I 'used' to feel. No music while I do boring tasks kinda sucks. It's nice when Jim Rome is on the radio or the Mariner game is on, but all other times I'm just listening to boring talk radio. It's driving me a bit insane. I can't watch TV because Courtney and I would watch TV together and it just hurts too bad watching our shows alone.
Ugggggggg. Enough about my depression and her. Just two more sentences then I'll be done with it (for today lol) It's just that I always express what is on my mind on this blog and she is basically the only thing on my mind. It's sad because we have no future together. I'm probably insane.
About poker. I'm finally getting back to playing today. I've played 36 games so far and I want to try to get to my normal 108 by tonight. I feel that I'm a little rusty. I'm not in the mood for studying. To boring and I don't want to fall asleep.Â
I played about 150 $0.95+.05 heads up super turbo tournaments over the past few days. I feel that I'm running crazy bad because I can't win a showdown. I'm running at a -26% ROI, which is a freaking joke. I'm not that worse than the competition. Every person I play is a terrible player. They just wake up with a hand or call my 15bb all in with J8 and suck out. Oh well, who knows, I won't be playing those anymore. Apparently I suck at poker.
RIGGED
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