May 24, 2010
Yesterday, I was bought into a $125 live tourney at my local casino. There were 70 players.Â I was card dead the whole time and the blinds just ate away till I was basically out in 15th place. I'm not exactly great in the area of pushing any two cards from under the gun with a table with people that are going to call me wide.Â That may have hurt me a bit, but having awful cards in spots that I could shove about 50%, 60%, 70% of my range over and over again was the main factor in my demise.
It really gets under my skin when I see players that think they are really good, (they suck in reality) and they just plain get lucky.Â For example, there were 70 players in this tournament and I knew every one of them.Â It's not a far stretch to say that I was the best player there. Do I play as high of buy-ins as these people? No of course not. My poker career barely pays the bills at the moment.Â They have successful jobs that allows them to burn 1000's of dollars playing poker.Â There was only one player that used to play poker there that was better than me.Â He was a player that had two or three WSOP bracelets and was on his last leg because he wasted his life on drugs.Â He died like a year ago.Â So now I can say I am the best player.Â OK, so now you know where my head is when I play at this casino.
Another thing that tilts the shit out of me is when I sit down at the table and I see players wearing Pokerstars, or any online poker site, clothes from head to toe.Â I know these players and they rarely play online and they come in here thinking they're are some kind of online big shot.Â Everyone ooooo's and ahhhhh's at their apparel.Â Then they start being all smug about how they are like the awesome rebel that plays online poker. (probably one tourney a week) All this while I am sitting at the other end of the table, knowing I could buy 100 of those stupid shirts with my FTP points and when I'm done with this tournament, I am going home and playing 60 games online. Yet, I don't wear poker gear when I go play live because I don't want people to know that I play this game for a living and am successful at it.Â A good conclusion you could come to is that people wearing online poker site gear at these stupid, local, low buy-in tournaments want you to think they are some renegade online pro because in reality they suck at poker.Â
I'll admit,Â my emotional state is all screwed up when it comes to poker.Â I want to be the quiet guy at the end of the table that no one knows a whole lot about, but I also want to be known as a very good player.Â It's basically that I just want credit for all the hard work I have put in.Â I guess it is my ego talking the more that I think about it.Â I hate seeing worse players do better than me.Â I hate standing on the rail watching my dad (who was still in the tournament) and seeing people, that are revered as a great player, make horrible move after horrible move.Â Yet I am seen as the guy that just folded for four hours and blinded out. Yet, I had zero shoving opportunities.
I know this is everyday in the poker world for people.Â I'm not the only one dealing with this issue.Â I'm not trying to say that my situation now is different than anyone else's.Â I just don't know how to deal with it.Â It is such a heavy burden weighing on my brain at all times, not to mention stress is horrible for my heart.Â Poker is basically the only thing I know and I will be playing it the rest of my life.Â I can't be stressing like this my whole life, I need to find a way to sort this all out.
Thanks for your time