September 01, 2011
My name is David (Ego death)
My name is David.
I was 27 years old when I watched Rounders and realized what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I have been playing poker for 6 years now. The highest stakes I've ever played is 50NL. I have wanted to think of myself as a serious player for 5 years, yet I have honestly studied the game for maybe 1 year in total. I've been scared of losses, scared by the work required, scared of not being good enough.
I have suffered from low motivation and low self-esteem most of my life. In school, even tho I was in the same advanced classes as the top students, I always thought of myself as a tier below the "cool, smart kids." My depression messed me up so much that I eventually enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corps when I was 17 instead of taking a scholarship to a big technical institute. Why? Because I was afraid to go to college and show how stupid I actually was. I was 140 lbs. and couldn't do 10 push-ups. Somehow, it seemed better in my head to do something completely crazy which I was expected to fail at. No harm, no foul. But doing something hard that I was expected to be good at but letting everybody down was horrifying. So I chose the easy way.
This is my blog. I am changing my life course. I try to put my best foot forward. I try to act the brainiac or the cheerleader. I don't know all that much, but I do know one thing for sure, and it's that I want to become the greatest poker player ever.
With this blog, I've been showing off how smart I can be and hoping to impress people with my dedication in making detailed daily routines. Yet invariably, I fall out of my publicly announced routines quickly thereafter. (Derek Sivers is right, keep your goals to yourself! http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself.html)
No matter how many highfalutin, know-it-all posts I make, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still just not very good at poker. I want to get "deep inside poker's pussy" as I3betyoutillyoudie says (http://www.deucescracked.com/blogs/i3betyoutillyoudie/60131-Why-do-we-play-poker-).
That's all I want for now, all you guys need to know for now. Let's do this.
5 Comments:
mitch posted on September 01, 2011 at 05:49 AM
Hi David.
Chin up. 10 year plans are cool.
nawhead posted on September 01, 2011 at 06:04 AM
i just wanna be one of the cool kids.
teacherz posted on September 01, 2011 at 06:46 AM
gl dude...just remember tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life..live it to the fullest
PrickselFish posted on September 01, 2011 at 10:12 AM
Hi David.
Wanting to be one of the cool kids is defenetly not worthy goal or dreams whatsoever.
And it doesent matter at all where we come from.. much more important is where we are ahead.. where we wanna go and how we wanna go from now on.
Maby before you did thing for wrong reasons?
I hope that now you dont drink and smoke, because this shit will not help you to succeed at poker.
* When we fail to give our best, we simply haven't met the test of giving all and saving none until the game is really won! *
GL mate.
nawhead posted on September 16, 2011 at 03:01 AM
PrickselFish, thanks! and i really like that poem you quoted. i'll add it to this blog entry cause it's really good.
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