Aggressive Certainty

It's one thing talking about negative variance in an objective light, talking about keeping positive, talking about reformulating one's idea of success in poker not in terms of money but in finding joy in becoming better through mistakes.  But then you lose 5 sessions in a row, and it's hard not to get discouraged.  It's hard not to feel like taking another break that turns into something much more permanent. Losses take the wind out of your sails. If only we could start up our internal engines when this happens!

There was a study done of famous people in history where it was found that a large % of them had parents who died when they were young. There's a theory that this trauma, this primal message that "YOU'RE NOT SAFE, BETTER GET BUSY" is what motivated those great people to do so much more than others.  This primal cue from within which can't be cultivated and can't be learned, gives a human almost limitless energy and drive. It can only be ignited by literally scaring someone to death.

Then there's me.  I only have a cerebral drive. I had a pretty comfy childhood.  No real trauma. I have both my parents and they're pretty laid back for the most part. So poker is a curiosity more than anything to me.  So is that enough? Can mere stubbornness be a suitable substitute for a primal urge? If I fail at this, there's nothing in me screaming inside giving me warnings. I'll fail and then get some food and watch a movie. Life isn't hard for me, and that may be a great blessing from the viewpoint of the vast majority of the world's population, and yet it's still a handicap. 

I know what I have to do.  I need to scare myself. Lie to myself. Put myself into a sink or swim situation. But that's crazy! But crazy is what gives you the energy to succeed. It gives you motivation.