The Bungle Blog

So, blog more, eh?  Well...maybe I can be convinced.

Here's a quick one.  So, today, I am supposed to go sing ( like in front of people :p ), for the first time in ages.  Why are these things always so damn early (early for me being like Noonish)?  I'm currently chugging back coffee #2, and don't even feel like jumping in the shower yet, let alone [i]singing[/i] for God's sake!  Your voice sits about half an octave lower for the first few hours after you wake up I think - check it out for yourself.  But, being that most of my singing training has been in the classical vein, I guess wedding, funerals, and churches in general, are going to be the main gigs for this.  I have the odd combination of somehow ending up a classical'ish singer, and a rock or metal guitarist ( back when I still played more ).

Well, today I definitely feel more like the somewhat badass Rock Chick, dragging myself into the church for noon, un-warmed up, scrambling to find some remotely appropriate clothing.  Meanwhile, when I get there, I'm sure I'll be greeted by eager happy morning people, who have been bright-eyed awake and preparing for this since 8am, and own nothing BUT appropriate church clothing.

Anyway, I'd better get to it, I suppose.  It'll be a miracle if I make it there on time at all!

Happy Birthday Mom.  Rest in Peace.  Miss you.  Hope to see you all one day one the other side.

I’m just going to try writing this stream-of-consciousness style, as it might be the only way I manage to get it done. So. I get back from the vet this evening, $1000 later. On the plus side, poker has provided the necessary cash, to care for these little geeks like this. On the negative side, I’m a fledgling pro (semi-pro?) myself, and this probably isn’t the financially prudent time for an expense like this, when I’M just trying to make a go of it myself. But, it is what it is, and I’m certainly knee-deep in it now!

So, as many of you know, I rescued this abandoned cat, that someone who moved out, had left behind, and had been surviving outside for a few months. Fine. Turned out, SHE was pregnant with 5 kittens. VERY OVERWHELMING, sigh, but also fine. So, when the expenses added up, I felt like it was sort of my hands-on charitable donation for the year. And I am So Neverendingly Grateful for all that poker has brought me, I feel that is a good attitude to have.

So, as of today, the kittens are 8 weeks old, and I have found homes for 3 of them! Which, I thought, was not doing too badly. The first two were SUPPOSED to get adopted tomorrow. They are big and healthy, and I’ve paid for them to have every vaccine, etc. they are old enough to get. :)

Tonight, I am very concerned.

The biggest problem in all of this, hasn’t been the kittens. I mean, they HAVE been a handful, in what I imagine is a standard kitten sort of way. The biggest problem, has been the Mom cat! She STILL really has not been properly housebroken, and for the last few weeks, has been throwing up constantly. And, despite eating anything and everything, she is still underweight, and not gaining ( probably cause she can’t keep anything down ). So, today, they run some blood tests (good!). The vet comes in, and says her blood looks a bit odd, and wants to run a test for feline AIDS/Leukemia Virus, as well. So, I’ve had that done. I’m just kind of horrified. If she DOES test positive for this ( and, apparently, it is a big risk to outdoor cats ), then her kittens will likely have it too. :( So, I couldn’t knowingly send infected kittens into the house of a cat-lover, who HAS other cats. Which means, I would now have no homes for these guys, AND have the added burden of trying to find homes for FeLV positive kittens – which frankly, I have no idea how to do, and they would probably just have to go to a shelter. I have no problem with keeping the Mom, and trying to make her as comfortable as possible, if she IS that sick. And sure, a kitten as well.

Like many things in life, it seems unfair that this virus exists. I mean, it’s just extra ironic, you know, spending 1k to try and give these cats the best start possible, then possibly finding out they are going to die very young. I don’t regret doing it, it would just make me very sad!

So, tonight, I’m praying that the mother cat has a negative result for these two deadly cat viruses. I hope she just has some good old-fashioned cat parasites, from living outside instead!

Today I feel happy that I finally made it back to my Dojo! I’d forgotten how many HOURS and HOURS of sweat I’d logged on that floor! Since my trip to AC, I’ve been thinking about how I want to rebalance my life, now that poker gets a bigger part of it, to be more content and at peace. I’ve decided, that while some things may have to go, physical exercise, isn’t going to be one of them! [ On a side note, one of the observations I made in Atlantic City, about live poker, is that I think you would HAVE to workout while playing it, or the lifestyle would catch up with you. Not to mention, to stay sane! ] My injury seems alot better now, though still not quite right. I can’t kick like I used to yet – but I’m not in any real pain while training now either, so this is a :)!

So, tonight I signed up again for 3 months of Karate, and 3 months of Kobudo (weapons). The real trick is going to be making it stick, and finding some routine that works for me now. It’s always harder to go back I think, once you’ve been out for a while. Everything is going to be rusty for a bit, which is frustrating. Amazing how your muscle memory works though! I was able to follow along fairly easily, in katas I didn’t *think I remembered.

Hopefully, announcing my intent here, will help me get back on track with all this!

I have always been kind of shy to start a blog, frankly. It has perhaps seemed too risky to share parts of yourself with an online audience, even if in reality, nobody might even read it! Itemized lists of what one did today, kind of thing, aren’t so bad, but thoughts and feelings on these life experiences?!?! Much scarier! But, when I look at it, these are the types of blogs, or posts, of other people, that I enjoy reading the most!

And also, the “Fuck it” factor! Why should “I” always feel so…(and I don’t know if I can find a word for this one)..but tentative…almost..unentitled to state my thoughts or feelings on something? That’s not quite the right words…but to help paint the picture a bit more, it is, I suspect, similar to why I get “stagefright” when playing guitar sometimes. Except, I don’t think it is really stagefright at all, but the feeling that whatever Creative Expression I might end up making is not “OK,” or “good enough,” or not supposed to be done, unless it “pleases the masses,” kind of thing. [Just turn on any Pop radio station, for evidence of the “please the masses” phenomenon, IMO] And yet I see plenty of evidence that many people, in both music AND writing, feel no inhabitions whatsoever! To the negative point of some being overly vocal and certain of their opinions, while being close-minded at the same time! Anyway, bottom line is, I think this process, while slightly scary, is probably good for someone like me.

So, I might finally have a FEW things I want to talk about, actually. If any of you bloggers happen to read this, could you tell me how you post in different categories, and create these “blogrolls?” I DO have a Wordpress blog that I suck at using, but might be worth getting better at. Otherwise this might get pretty chaotic – in fact, being me, I pretty much count on that!

So, WARNING/BLOG DISCLAIMER!: This Blog will contain, spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, possible swearing, and probable lack of continuity.

Thank you. Sorry the warning for #3 was a bit too late! :p