We Used To Vacation

What it do DC?

I finished my poker month on a dour note.  I had soared as high as being up 2.2k, and over the last 2 days have bombed off about 16bi.  I finished my sessions today feeling disheartened and annoyed with myself.  I had a talk with my wife about how I was feeling, and some of the causes of it.

Mostly, I'm upset because this downswing occurred at the end of the month.  It's an artificial time constraint that we create, the month, to mark our results.  I had a worse downturn at the start of the month, and while distressing, was ok because there was still the rest of the month to make up for it.  The lack of time to make up for these losses, I believe, was the most distressing thing.  I finished the month making about 1k, which, given the 80 hours I put into playing poker this month, means that I made minimum wage in my province.  Not awful for sitting at a computer, but less than 1/3 what I could be making at the other jobs I'm qualified for. 

I feel like the job issue is something that I am still struggling with, being two months into my stint at 'being a pro'.  I think that I'm still trying to find bigger numbers to justify, not only to myself, but to my wife, to my parents, and to my friends.  Everyone has been supportive of what I am doing, although that I have no interest in other work right now is something at I have left a tad ambivalent to most people around me.  I think that it is something that I need to let go, as no one has to know how much money I make at poker other than me and my wife (and the readers of this blog, because i write about it... weird?).  She is completely supportive and takes a 'Remember when a couple years ago if you had made 1k at poker in a month how exited we would have been' approach, and helps to remind me that last year I started with 2 losing months out of 4, and struggled with the same issues.

She suggested I journal some of my feelings before and after sessions to see if there are some patterns that emerge relating to how emotional stability and results.  I think this will be an interesting exercise, as it could help inform me in the future for playing multiple daily sessions when my head isn't in the right place.  I'm hopeful that this will increase my profitability, and mental well being.

Poker has been ok this month, as noted previously, i put a positive number on the board.  I had my first 1k day of the year, which, obviously, suggests that the rest of the month ended totally break even, good times.

I'm going to post a few hands, and what I remember my thought process and mental state was at the time of these hands.  These are all the last (give or take a hand that I might play before i unpost my blind) hands of sessions that caused me to quit or stop my session.

Villain was on super tilt, as evidenced by his play in this hand.  He quits immediately after this hand.  I have played a 40 hand, 10 minute session in which I won 4bi and decided to call it a day.  I was very happy.

Full Tilt Poker $100.00 Pot Limit Omaha Hi - 2 players - View hand 1257802
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

Hero (BB): $358.20
BTN/SB: $101.70

Pre Flop: ($1.50) Hero is BB with 8 J A 8
BTN/SB raises to $3, Hero calls $2

Flop: ($6.00) T 4 Q(2 players)
Hero bets $5.00, BTN/SB raises to $13, Hero raises to $45, BTN/SB calls $32

Turn: ($96.00) 4(2 players)
Hero bets $55.00, BTN/SB calls $53.70 all in

River: ($203.40) 5(2 players - 1 is all in)

Final Pot: $203.40
Hero shows 8 J A 8
BTN/SB shows 3 4 7 8
Hero wins $202.90
(Rake: $0.50)

Villain is 3betting liberally, and is most certainly on tilt.  Flop is standard, as I dont love getting it in on the flop.  turn is standard as well, i think, given the rewards of hitting on the river.  Villain quits and I end my session very pleased with my play.

Absolute Poker $100.00 Pot Limit Omaha Hi - 2 players - View hand 1257804
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

BB: $154.45
Hero (BTN/SB): $481.15

Pre Flop: ($1.50) Hero is BTN/SB with Q 5 Q T
Hero raises to $2, BB raises to $6, Hero calls $4

Flop: ($12.00) J 4 6(2 players)
BB bets $12.00, Hero calls $12

Turn: ($36.00) K(2 players)
BB bets $36.00, Hero calls $36

River: ($108.00) 9(2 players)
BB bets $100.45, Hero calls $100.45

Final Pot: $308.90
BB shows A T K 5
Hero shows Q 5 Q T
Hero wins $308.40
(Rake: $0.50)

I feel like villain is running my over.  He is attacking me a lot, and I never seem to be able to win a hand.  I've lost a lot in this session already.  I feel desperate to force a win.  I snap quit after this hand and am very upset with myself for my play in this hand specifically, and others through the session (in which I win only 4 of the 20 biggest pots in a 200 hand session)

Absolute Poker $100.00 Pot Limit Omaha Hi - 2 players - View hand 1257812
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

BB: $225.70
Hero (BTN/SB): $104.20

Pre Flop: ($1.50) Hero is BTN/SB with A 8 6 6
Hero raises to $2, BB calls $1

Flop: ($4.00) A J 3(2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets $3.00, BB raises to $13, Hero raises to $35, BB calls $22

Turn: ($74.00) K(2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets $67.20, BB calls $67.20

River: ($208.40) 8(2 players)

Final Pot: $208.40
BB shows A T K 7
Hero shows A 8 6 6
BB wins $207.90
(Rake: $0.50)

As evidenced by stack sizes, things are going poorly for me in this match.  Villain doesn't play particularly well.  He peels flop and turn a lot, and never folds his BB.  he has only c/r the flop one other time though before this.  Obviously getting it in on the flop here as a very small favourite is fine, but I believe that my play here was driven by the need for a win, now.

Poker Stars $100.00 Pot Limit Omaha Hi - 2 players - View hand 1257814
DeucesCracked Poker Videos Hand History Converter

BB: $447.25
Hero (BTN/SB): $134.10

Pre Flop: ($1.50) Hero is BTN/SB with 3 6 5 7
Hero raises to $2, BB calls $1

Flop: ($4.00) Q 4 6(2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets $3.00, BB raises to $12, Hero raises to $36, BB raises to $111.80, Hero raises to $132.10, BB calls $20.30

Turn: ($268.20) K(2 players)

River: ($268.20) J(2 players)

Final Pot: $268.20
BB shows 3 6 Q Q
Hero shows 3 6 5 7
BB wins $267.70
(Rake: $0.50)

In the last hand specifically, the outcome of affected my dramatically differently from if it had been in the middle of a session where I was winning or breakeven. I could have easily shrugged off this hand and moved on.  Given his tiny c/r %, i may have even decided that calling the flop could have been better, with an assumption that he is probably not ever folding a set and that the money could go in great on the turn or i could find a fold if the board pairs.  or obviously folding on the river if i don't get there.  It may not even matter, maybe just stacking off here always is fine, but given my emotional instability at this moment, I wonder if a bet/call flop, call turn, fold river line may have been better for me mentally (or worse, as I could have bemoaned my luck for never getting there and looked desperately for another spot to put the money in the middle.)

So many things to think about.

Life in general is good though.  I'm going to see the Vancouver Canucks play on Saturday night, which I'm very excited about.  I'm also playing a lot of squash, which I'm struggling with some things, but taking steps towards improving my game. 

That's it.

LQ