The paranoid Grinder.

Trouble moving up, As usuall.

izaque — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 22:40:16 +0000

So i decided to move up as soon as i got my RB. My original plan was to wait for my sweatsession tomorrow with inavacuum but i was to psyched about it and started on the 1st of november.Â Baaaad idea.Â Got hit with a serious case of the moving up downswing. Lost my 10 buyins in 4 days and had to move back down.

Now i thought goddamnit now i have another month of 50NL ahead.
That wasnt the case either. I resetted my HEMdb and decided i was gonna renew my game. (kindof been a 50NL robot)
Played great and ran hot. Ran my losses back in 2 days.

Now i figured this was bad, Turned out great. Ive already taken 1 shot. Sessions still on tomorrow for my 2nd shot.
Hopefully that goes better then the 1st.

As for GAD im doing well. almost no probs

Keeping busy, Nervous for meds on monday

izaque — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 16:32:06 +0000

Ive been keeping really busy with work and poker lately. Work is definetly were i feel the anxiety the most, (hamburgerbar = lots of people = some of them look threatening= i think theres a conspiracy to kill me).

Im starting medication on monday afternoon. Really nervous about the side effects wich can be Headaches, nausea, Worsening anxiety, severe diarrea, and this could last for up to 4 weeks. Anyway i hope i dont get any of them and manage to just feel better asap.

As for poker im getting rakeback the 4th of november and im hoping my roll will push over the limit for 100NL so i can start making some $$

General Anxiety Dissorder (blog takes new direction)

izaque — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 22:35:12 +0000

So i stopped my whimpy grinding blog a couple of months back. Since then alot of interesting things happened in life and poker.

The reason i stopped it is: Who really cares if i make it from 20NL to 50NL, Its no fun and makes no sence for me to post
Daily about my grinding. Thats not a real blog. Anyhow with the interesting developments recently i feel like i can
pick this blog up and change the direction of it more towards a real blog.

Ive been diagnosed with GAD ( general anxiety dissorder )
What this means for me is that normal people just go: "what if this? what if that? naaah thats never happening"
I go "OK im totally convinced this is happening HOOOLY shit im so scared im gonna go into panicmode for 3 months"

Now this has some effect on my game but only on how much volume i can put in. If im really freaked out i obv cant focus
while playing so theres no way im gonna play on such days. On good days playing keeps my mind of my fears and im 100% focused.

Im gonna get some meds from my doctor and also therapy to get rid of this. With this comes alot of Tommy Angelo stuff into play
such as meditation, Mindfullness and trying to keep the irrational thoughts out.

Fears i face everyday is:
The fear of someone breaking in to my appartment and beating the shit out of me.
Â The fear of facing a potentially dangerous situation in general, Mugged, Random beatdown or whatever.
The fear of not being able to control my fear so it gets to a point where i go manic and do something crazy

Now im not looking for sympathy or someone telling me to quit playing poker cause of this. I just want to start a blog about this cause
i think its more interesting the 20NL hand histories and microstakes bankroll progress.

Pokerwise im doing well, Thats all im gonna say about it for now. Feel free to ask any questions I got alot of free time were im just
sitting around being paranoid and not able to play. And also it feels kindof good writing about this stuff to get some perspective on it.

Other place. Same time.

izaque — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 13:45:29 +0000

Since i think having this progress blog is kindof lame. Dont think anyone would care if i win or loose @ 20 - 50NL i decided to stop this blog.

I have a thread on 2p2 were i do pretty much the same. but with hands and stuff. So i dont feel the need to do that at 2 places at once.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/174/poker-goals-challenges/restarting-580-playing-nl30-goal-100nl-reg-jan-2011-a-862258/#post21277458

Moving down!

izaque — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 11:27:56 +0000

The guys in the forum was right. I was scared money at NL50 so im moving down.
No matter the result im staying on 30NL the rest of august to get my shit together.

Was up 10bi now im down 1 bi. That sucks. Hopefully ill get to move when Rakeback comes the 4th of sept.

Struggling with Moving up.

izaque — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 19:17:23 +0000

Hey guys.

I dont know if i mentioned this before but when i got my rakeback the 4th of august i had 25bi for 50NL and figured i would start mixing it in with my normal 30NL game. So ive been playing 2 tables of 30NL and 2 tables 50NL. Im not doing horrible but im not doing anywere near as good as i thought. and i figured the step between the 2 stakes to be pretty small.

Here is my resultscreen from HM. since moving. I created a new DB to see the difference.

[URL=http://img121.imageshack.us/i/reslt2.png/][IMG]http://img121.imageshack.us/img121/2324/reslt2.png[/IMG][/URL]

tell me what you think!

I F...ing SUCK!

izaque — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 21:02:02 +0000

HELL

Nothing has worked out today. My iPhone got stolen. I lost 3bi. Last one due tue severe tilt.

I cant stand running bad. I dont know what it is. Its just the horrible feeling of never succeding.

Ive been at the 1K$ mark now 5 times. Played 50NL 4 times. Had to move down every time and
im getting sick of it. Someoneeeee Heeeeeelp!

Scare tilt really gets me pissed off.

izaque — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 09:48:52 +0000

Against this 32 / 26 with a 3bet of 20.0 i know 88 is good enough to 4bet. And the flop is a raise 100%
of the time. Instead i take this weak shitline just cause im scared of loosing myself under 1K$

Ongame Network $30.00 No Limit Hold'em - 4 players - View hand 829698
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

SB: $33.06
BB: $47.54
Hero (CO): $46.41
BTN: $23.67

Pre Flop: ($0.45) Hero is CO with 8 8
Hero raises to $1.05, 1 fold, SB raises to $3, 1 fold, Hero calls $1.95

Flop: ($6.30) 4 4 9(2 players)
SB bets $4.05, Hero calls $4.05

Turn: ($14.40) 7(2 players)
SB bets $6.45, Hero calls $6.45

River: ($27.30) A(2 players)
SB checks, Hero checks

Final Pot: $27.30
SB shows Q A
SB wins $25.94
(Rake: $1.36)

Anyway played another latenight sesh yesterday. Went break even to the cent.

Starting roll : 1043$
Ending roll : 1043$

Some sick Days. at 30NL and 50NL

izaque — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 18:58:22 +0000

Played 1860 hands today mixed between 30 and 50NL

Seems like i get some kindof brainfuck in the beginning of each sesh thinking im a pro handreader calling stupid stuff down with low pp on high boards and so on. Then i fing myself stuck like 75$ having to struggle for a few hours to get it back. Its not because of runbad or anything its because i play like a donkey.

Anyway ran into theese hands wich were kindof interesting.

hand 1
hand 2

Also 4 flushed AA against AQ with flop QQ9 all in preflop. Best hand always wins. Anyway after this long session i won 3$ i guess thats poker sometimes.

Starting roll : 1045$
Ending roll : 1048$

See you tomorrow

930 hands and less then half a buyin up.

izaque — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:04:58 +0000

Nothing special happened tonight. The only interesting thing is this hand.

Ended up being stuck 2,5bi Midsesh but took a smoke to calm down and
then got back into it. Played some small - medium pots and ended up 12$

Starting roll 1033$
Ending rollÂ 1045$
Hands played ~950
Winnings 12$

Some 30NL some 50NL

izaque — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 08:01:19 +0000

Played a Session yesterday About 3,5h Of mixed 30 and 50NL.

I started out doing my regular 4 tables of 30nL wich went well
upped my BR by 2,5 bi then took a break.

After break i played 2 tables of 50NL wich went the opposite direction of
the prebreak sesh. Everyone at Ongame 50NL seems to be serious 3bet monkeys.

I had 3 villains on my 1st table with 3bet over 15.5 over more then 100 hands.
I really wasnt prepared for this and had no idea how i was gonna adjust.
So i did the worst possible thing. I started calling light. with stuff like 55 88 77 instead
of 4betting. And that was stupid so i lost 35$ before calling it quits.

Gonna play a long session tonight with only 30NL to rebuild some confidence.

Maybe posting some hands laters if i find any good ones.

Im Back, Grinding it out!

izaque — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 20:44:35 +0000

Hey guys.

Sorry for not writing in like forever. Heres whats going on.

I came back from Florida, The trip was superawesome lots of fishing and just chillaxing. When i came home i wanted to get right back into the grind
but had some cashflow issues since i got stung by a catfish in florida. (2900$ medicalbill), good thing sweden has a free healthcareplan.

Anyway i recently got 3500$ from my insurancecompany since my knee got banged up in march snowboarding and i decided to use some of that to rebuild.
I deposited 800$ in mid Juli and got back into it playing 30NL on ongame with a sweet RB deal. Been playing only when i feel rested and in a good mood.
Got like 1K hands in a day and my BR currently stands at 1020 $. When rakeback arrives in beginning of aug i think its 50NL time.

Im gonna get back to posting daily and also making some videos of sessions and uploading with audio commentary.

Writing my first post from Florida.

izaque — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 12:46:49 +0000

Not playing now for 2 weeks. Think a forced break was necessary for my progress.

I have withdrawn my whole bankroll and im gonna redeposit something like 500 $ when i get back home.
Anyway Florida is truly awesome as usuall. I caught a hammerhead shark yesterday.

Thanks everyone for the support on my hunt for Robusto.

Taking a break.

izaque — Fri, 21 May 2010 11:16:50 +0000

Ive never run worse.. so im taking a break for some time. Im gonna be totally gone from poker for a few weeks.

Ill be back with loads of books and videos in my brain and ill be starting a new BR challenge.

Im already thinking about what challenge will be like.

Prob starting as low as 10NL with some 250 - 400 $ and then shooting for 10xing my roll in a set nr of days!

see you all laters!

F THIS! im stuck and restarting. (recommend books)

izaque — Wed, 19 May 2010 21:31:11 +0000

This will be a short post.

Im stuck over 10bi today and got effed by the swedish IRS.
Had to withdraw almost my full br. Withdrew from microgaming anyway.

I will restart tomorrow by depositing 500$ on betfair playing 20NL
I have 5 days of play before going to the sunny florida.

Ive got 23 hours of traveling so plz recomend some books i can read on the
plane. Crossing the atlantic only takes 9 hours :D

Current bankroll : 500$

Winnings : â€“ 1 bankroll

Seems to have worked itself out.

izaque — Tue, 18 May 2010 11:49:10 +0000

I went in to work yesterday and it seems like ill be getting some cash afterall.
I might not even have to touch my bankroll.

Played some 2K hands yesterday and won ~3,5 bi. Felt good after running superbad almost all the time on microgaming.

Hand history : I called 3bet with A J cause he had a 3b of 10.9 on 200 hands sample
Obv i flop Gin. And i think i took a maximum value line. Since he had AQ i was gonna stack him no matter what line i took but if he had say KK i think the hand would play out the same way.

Prima Network $20.00 No Limit Holdâ€™em â€“ 6 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

MP: $20.30
Hero (CO): $21.25
BTN: $19.70
SB: $37.67
BB: $33.92
UTG: $4.00

Pre Flop: ($0.30) Hero is CO with J A
2 folds, Hero raises to $0.75, 1 fold, SB raises to $2.90, 1 fold, Hero calls $2.15

Flop: ($6.00) A J A (2 players)
SB bets $3.80, Hero calls $3.80

Turn: ($13.60) 6 (2 players)
SB checks, Hero checks

River: ($13.60) 8 (2 players)
SB bets $30.87, Hero calls $14.55 all in

Final Pot: $42.70
Hero shows J A
SB shows Q A
Hero wins $40.57
(Rake: $2.13)

Im starting to get some confidence back into my game. and i think ill soon see some results from playing good.

Starting bankroll : 804$
Ending bankroll : 876$

Winnings : 72 $
Hands played : 2374

What sucks is This!

izaque — Mon, 17 May 2010 08:55:40 +0000

Ran superbad again yesterday. I was back up to break even on Microgaming then May 16th happend. Adjusted EV for the day is + 26 $ Official result is â€“ 108$. Supersick.

And im Running bad in life aswell. Ive been on sickleave from work for 2 months and im going to Florida on vacation in a week. So what do i need? Money right!

My employer forgot to send the reports of my sickleave to the right administration.
So i dont get a paycheck this month. Now what does this mean? I have to cashout my entire bankroll in about 7 days to be able to go on my vacation.

So i wont get past 1K $ and when i get home from the U.S i will probebly have to start over with like 500$ roll.

Now its not like they cheated me out of the money cause ill get it eventually. Its just the timing sucks balls. Especially for my poker bankroll.

Starting bankroll : 912 $
Ending bankroll : 804 $

Winnings : -108$
Hands played : 1502

Sorry about not posting. Last 2 days results.

izaque — Sun, 16 May 2010 12:51:48 +0000

Hi guys. Sorry for not posting in a few days. Was pretty hungover from a show with
Swedish band Masshysteri yesterday. And friday was busy partying.

NLH
In NLH i ran hot thursday. Played my regular nr of hands and everything was really going my way. I ran â€œthe processâ€ everytime i was involved in a hand. Everyone has a session every once in a while were they feel like they played perfect poker. This was one of thoose times.

I was gonna post some handhistories but cant find them now. Ill post them as soon as i do.

Anyway I got back to being break even on microgaming so now its time to win some dolares!

Starting bankroll : 819$
Ending bankroll : 912$

WInnings : 93 $
Hands played : 2355

Running bad.

izaque — Thu, 13 May 2010 14:12:39 +0000

Dropped 5 buyins yesterday. Got sucked out every single hand.
Not fun. Managed to stay cool and not tilt tho wich is progress made
even if dropping a few bi.

Its probebly due to switching sites im running bad. Always do for a few
days when switching.

Starting bankroll: 926$
Ending bankroll: 819$

Winning â€“ 92$
Hands played: 2500

Even Further from 1K

izaque — Wed, 12 May 2010 13:00:48 +0000

So i tried out the new site yesterday on microgaming.
Games play in Euro so its a little different.

What happend was this : I change network, I assume everyones bluffing,
I call down and loose moneys. Dont really have time to write im gonna
drive my brother to work.

Starting bankroll : 980$
Current bankroll : 925$

Winnings â€“ 55$
Hands played 2348

Still havent crushed 1K

izaque — Tue, 11 May 2010 10:40:57 +0000

Well i ended yesterday being one buyin short of the 1K barrier.
Now im in the middle of moving money to the microgaming site, Glad moneybookers is a fast service. I moved 500$ over there and kept 480$ on Betfair to clear my bonus and finish 6th in this months rakerace.

Had a decent session after the break yesterday. sort of rollercoasterish but im still feeling good about it.

Short post today but really nothing interesting happened.

Starting bankroll: 976$
Current bankroll : 980$

Winnings 4$
Hands played 1365

Mid Session break, Closing in on 1K

izaque — Mon, 10 May 2010 12:27:43 +0000

Decided to take a break after loosing a bi to this reg shoving gutshot with and hitting against my aces and also loosing alot of +EV smallpot spots. Still had a good sesh. up 3,5 bi so im not complaining.

Hit the 1K mark today but then that gutshot put me back under 1K. Seem like a mental barrier to overcome. Its like ok im close to 1K now so im gonna get nervous and play bad. Stupid resultsorientation, Its so hard to not be a little resultoriented when your BR shows up everytime you reload.

Im soon gonna switch rooms to a microgaming room. Got a good rakeback deal i cant turn down. So its gonna be nice. Just gonna clear the 1500$ bonus on betfair before moving.

Also betfair has the awesome BR feature that when the dollar decreases in value against the swedish krona. My bankroll increases. Thats why the daily bankroll updates are different even without me playing a single hand.

Mid sesh results.

starting BR : 906$
Current BR : 976$

Winnings 70$
hands played : 936

Todays results. Not running good.

izaque — Sun, 09 May 2010 22:32:28 +0000

Been playing for a while today. Ran pretty bad and made some horrible mistakes.

After this one i had to quit playing and focus on being hung over instead.

Betfair $20.00 No Limit Holdâ€™em â€“ 6 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

BTN: $9.31
Hero (SB): $19.50
BB: $33.50
UTG: $20.00
MP: $19.78
CO: $13.91

Pre Flop: ($0.30) Hero is SB with J A
UTG calls $0.20, 3 folds, Hero raises to $0.80, 1 fold, UTG calls $0.60

Flop: ($1.80) 4 7 A (2 players)
Hero bets $1.80, UTG raises to $3.60, Hero calls $1.80

Turn: ($9.00) 6 (2 players)
Hero checks, UTG bets $6.75, Hero calls $6.75

River: ($22.50) T (2 players)
Hero checks, UTG bets $8.85, Hero calls $8.35 all in

Final Pot: $39.20
Hero shows J A
UTG shows 4 4
UTG wins $36.74
(Rake: $1.96)

I have no clue why i even called flop raise. As i said in previous posts. When its late or im hung over or something i go into this mode where i just call shit down for no reason at all. My process here was like â€œif he has a hand he has me beat but if he doesnt i winâ€ And what do people have when they raise and bet every street at 20NL A HAND! Im such a retard. Anyway Tomorrow is gonna be a regular grinding day. im looking to play 3K hands without interuption. And im not gonna be hungover on in any kindof mood so i think it will be a fun session.

Thank you BalugaWhale
I figured this was the time to thank the one who turned my game around without even ever speaking to eachother.

Coaching Cristy and the coaching tree is what got my game really going. And its all thanks to â€œthe processâ€ so Thank you!

Starting bankroll : 932$
Current bankroll : 885$

Winnings : -48$
Hands played : 705

Quick progress and Running HOT

izaque — Sun, 09 May 2010 10:37:28 +0000

Since it was saturday yesterday i only played 328 Hands only NLH
but i ran suuuperhot and won 3.5 buyins. I seriously had the winning
hand everytime i entered the pot. Being in the BB flopping boats with 7 2 and
5 3. Calling raise with 10 8 s00t on the button flopping straight.
You know one of the sessions were you couldnt loose even if your the worst
player in the world.

Went on a spontanious party last night. Had some friends over
for BBQ premier for this year. Really Niiiice.

Starting roll : 860$
Ending roll : 932$

Winnings : 72$
Hands played : 328

7th May PLO and NLH. (no progress)

izaque — Sat, 08 May 2010 11:05:54 +0000

Yesterday was slooooow. And i didnt get my usual nr of hands in
cause i had to babysit for my big brother. Anyway here are the
results and also some leak analasys.

PLO
Played like 30 hands won 4$ so nothing to say about that.
Im gonna get more into PLO later on. I just want to get my
bankroll back on track.

NLH
So in NLH i was pretty break even. Nothing special.. Got Aces in
against TT on a 2 4 10 rainbow board. Maybe could have folded but
im not looking to fold overpairs on 20NL. Thats about the only big
loss i suffered. Basicly seemed like this session i couldnt get into
any big pots just like swinging 4$ up, 5$ down etc etc etc.

Leak Analasys
I found myself playing late at night once again. And i was kindof
battling some bad mood, Unrelated to poker but still bad for poker.

so this is what happend. I went into level 1 mode. Just like
â€œduuuuh my hand is pretty so i snapcall whateverâ€ This is a
leak i think many players have. Like the tables are slow and
you havent gotten a hand for 30 minutes. And finally A K shows
up. The board comes K 10 9 Q 7 And you end up snapcalling the
river just cause you dont think about anything. This is so stupid cause if you
play like 1000 hands and your up a buyin.Then you call of a buyin
on hand nr 999 you just fucked your 5BB / 100 winrate wich is not fun.

Results :

starting bankroll : 852$
Ending bankroll : 860$

Winnings : 8$
Hands played : 1260