So i stopped my whimpy grinding blog a couple of months back. Since then alot of interesting things happened in life and poker.
The reason i stopped it is: Who really cares if i make it from 20NL to 50NL, Its no fun and makes no sence for me to post
Daily about my grinding. Thats not a real blog. Anyhow with the interesting developments recently i feel like i can
pick this blog up and change the direction of it more towards a real blog.
Ive been diagnosed with GAD ( general anxiety dissorder )
What this means for me is that normal people just go: "what if this? what if that? naaah thats never happening"
I go "OK im totally convinced this is happening HOOOLY shit im so scared im gonna go into panicmode for 3 months"
Now this has some effect on my game but only on how much volume i can put in. If im really freaked out i obv cant focus
while playing so theres no way im gonna play on such days. On good days playing keeps my mind of my fears and im 100% focused.
Im gonna get some meds from my doctor and also therapy to get rid of this. With this comes alot of Tommy Angelo stuff into play
such as meditation, Mindfullness and trying to keep the irrational thoughts out.
Fears i face everyday is:
The fear of someone breaking in to my appartment and beating the shit out of me.
Â The fear of facing a potentially dangerous situation in general, Mugged, Random beatdown or whatever.
The fear of not being able to control my fear so it gets to a point where i go manic and do something crazy
Now im not looking for sympathy or someone telling me to quit playing poker cause of this. I just want to start a blog about this cause
i think its more interesting the 20NL hand histories and microstakes bankroll progress.
Pokerwise im doing well, Thats all im gonna say about it for now. Feel free to ask any questions I got alot of free time were im just
sitting around being paranoid and not able to play. And also it feels kindof good writing about this stuff to get some perspective on it.