The upward dig out of a deep hole

Ok so I’ve been playing poker for maybe a year seriously, late in 2009 I had a massive heater on Full Tilt somehow managing to run $50 up to $17k in 2 weeks (obviously using very poor bankroll management). Some of you would think “wow that’s great! Good work!”. If anything, its the worst thing that happened to me. This is why.

The Origins

To start i’ll take you to my poker origins. I had been playing on facebook poker (lol I know rite!) and I had been doing quite well, I had shifted to Full Tilt when a friend told me he played freerolls there and could win actual money! I thought cool, why not. I started playing a freeroll a day, and doing somewhat ok. I bubbled a couple of times, but never cashed. One evening I thought “hell why not deposit $50 and see what I can do, its only $50” and although quite hessitant about putting that money in, I did. This was a big step for me, even though it was only $50 and I had a good job, there was an excitement of putting money into online poker which surprised me.

I played some micro ring games, and made a small bit, but also lost a small bit. I played some micro SNG’s and won/lost – pretty much break even. A few days after dabbling in it, I played a 0.50c rebuy for the fun of it. I managed to come in 2nd place with only an addon used (so essentially in it for $1) and cashed $200!!! Being quite conservative with my money, I played a bit more and after losing some, I cashed out $100 and felt quite happy with that and donked away the rest of the $$ taking shots. This was the start of the downfall.

The Poker Bug

After the small cash and I withdrew my money, I felt bored a few days later, and inevitably deposited again. This was the start of a bad thing. I played more, and I lost more. Each $50 deposit lost hurt, so it was done sparingly. Maybe once a fortnight or so. I was a losing player, but this wasn’t the bad part, the money seemed to stretch out and provide me with enough entertainment hours that it didn’t bother me. I saw it as paying for entertainment which went for hours. This went on but got increasingly more common. I found myself depositing while working (I work from home), and taking $50 shots at HU once in a while. It was a real rush, but it was losing money and becoming a problem. That leads me to the heater stage

On Fire BABY!

At that stage I wasn’t really educated on much of the serious poker theories, I started reading ’The Theory of Poker" by David Sklansky since I was getting into it a little more, and my results suddenly skyrocketed (the start of the heater). After reading around 50 pages of the book, I got home one night after a night out drinking and thought “the book told me the only way to learn is by playing, so why not have a go”. That night while slightly drunk, I deposited $50, split it 2 ways on NL50 tables, and went for it. After a few hours, I amazingly managed to turn that $50 into $400ish (I may have stepped up to NL100, cant remember). I went to bed a really happy man. Having seen this success, I proceeded to play poker in the morning instead of working and ran it up a little more.
Over the next week, I kept playing aggressively and making money, by the same day next week I had turned that $50 into $5k. I was amazed. By this time I was playing NL200 and taking shots at NL600. I continued into the next week with the aim of making at least 1k a day, and I did just that. Just 2 weeks later from the initial deposit, I had $17k in my account with my # of hands played most likely quite low. I was ecstatic! I had made a goal of $20k to withdraw – the initial $5k would have paid off my gambling debts (this is how large it had grown) and I had considered withdrawing it. But I read that you needed money to make money so I left it in there…

The problem Begins…

I was doing really well, I had a goal/target financially, and I thought I was invincible. This was not the case. On the friday of my highest $$$ peak, I got bad beat at NL600 tables twice with AA preflop. At this time I knew what tilt was, but I didn’t know how to control it. I went on tilt, I went on tilt the worst way possible, and I will never forget myself for it. At this time I had desensitised myself to the amounts of money I was playing with… I stepped up limits to chase losses, and got bad beat again. I kept stepping up until I got involved in a pot at like 25/50 with $4k at the table, it was me with a weak full house, vs quads for an 8K pot. I was stunned… swearing to myself and had little money left. I started playing any and every hand possible, and losing money at an alarming rate until it was all gone…

I was amazed, hating myself, and justifying it by thinking “it was only really $50… the rest wasn’t my money… I am really good but have had a day of bad luck…”

The Downward Slope

Thinking I was actually a good player, and also having been desensitised to money, I started depositing at high levels, higher than I would have normally. I kept losing, and losing, and losing. Until I had depleted a large chunk of my savings in the process. I moved out of home, and purchased some equipment for my business to spend the money before poker got to it. Then my amount of work had shrunk to a level where I wasn’t earning much money. By then the poker monster had taken over and I couldn’t stop depositing and tilting away money. Tilt tilt tilt…

Current Situation

Currently, I am short on work, have large credit card debts thanks to poker. I have recently learnt about the fact I need to find a new place to rent, also need to find a more secure job. Life is probably the worst its been, but i’m not going to have a cry about it because I know I am skilled (profession wise, not poker wise), I know I can find other work and I’m not going to give up that easily. I have since learnt a fair bit about poker, I will keep grinding out my $700 roll on FT while looking for other work and a house. I have realised poker, although has its highs and lows, can be really dangerous on unstable minds.

So here is the blog, where the grind will begin, or end, based on the next couple of weeks. I am not looking for sympathy, just needed to verbalize my story. I am a DEGEN, and I have learnt a lot (i hope) on what not to do…