Everything is anathema

My wife and I decided to spend the weekend in London, the first time we'd gone away without our daughter. I'd not been to London since I used to practically live there, before I met my wife and after I'd hit robusto from sports betting and activities not fit for publication. A noisome collection of pubs, clubs, parties, the entire circus that's meant to make you happy and cool. That was not the London we'd be seeing. We were coming as tourists and planned to fully embrace this image. Museums, landmarks, shopping - this cheesy fodder was our earnest desire.

I'm not going to give a detailed trip report about visiting museums. For example: If I were to write the sentence "We visited a museum, we saw lots of things, it was fun." I'd have to also be writing in a pink diary that one can lock with a key. But I will offer up a few morsels. Firstly, anyone who is at any time in a museum in London is French. This is some irrefutable force of nature. Secondly, the current exhibit in the main hall of the Tate Gallery serves as a Eugenicists dream. Dangling from a single wire in the roof, nose-down to a few feet off the floor is a full-size fighter jet aircraft. It would be capable of causing extreme carnage if set into motion as a giant pendulum. This is clearly evident as it sways gently in the air. You would think this would be enough for anyone possessing common sense to not touch it. Just in case someone is lacking in this virtue there is a sign up. It reads: "Please do not touch". Just in case this is still not enough to assuage the monkey impulses of the less fortunate there is a man present. It is this man's job to say: "Please do not touch". It was for about ten seconds that my wife and I had to been admiring the frame of this beast when another couple walked up until they were closer than a foot from the nose. Then the woman pushed it. It swung angrily. The man whose job it is to say "Please do not touch" screamed.

The Tate gets a lot of visitors: Thus, if there were a system enforced where-by everyone who could not overcome the urge to touch the structure were then quietly led into a back-room and immediately sterilised, how much could the world benefit?*

 

*I am not actually advocating compulsory sterilisation. If you got that impression, you're probably reading the wrong blog.