Turning the Tide

What's up guys, long time no post. Let me give some updates here -

Poker - I've only played about 30k hands of poker this month. I started the month pretty badly, losing a lot of money at 200nl and plo. For the month I am like 7ptbb at 50 and 100nl, and -10ptbb at 200 and plo, which is pretty annoying. It would probably be best for me to just volume whore 100fr since I indisputably own it, and save the higher stakes and plo until I've put together some strong months.

Life - I am really devastated and depressed with life. 2 years ago I rescued a special needs cat who was going to be put to sleep. I took him in to foster him and try to find a home for him, but I ended up falling in love with the little guy. I've spent over 10k on his medical bills the past 2 years - he has a very rare condition where he produces harmful crystals and stones in his bladder, and he needs to have them removed by surgery every year or so. He also had to have a surgery to make him basically a female anatomically, so that he could expel the stones better and not become obstructed in his urinary tract. Through it all, he was a champion and the greatest, sweetest pet I have had in my entire life. Russell had it all - looks, tons of personality, a loving nature, and also loved to play and hunt. He loved people and everyone who met him usually fell in love with his awesome personality.

Sadly, there was a horrible tragedy a few nights ago. At around 11pm at night, I noticed he had found a long piece of ribbon and it was hanging out of his mouth. He had swallowed about a foot of ribbon and I was unable to pull it out of his throat and esophagus. He kept straining to cough it up but it was stuck, and snaking further down his throat. My girlfriend and I rushed him to the emergency vet, where they told us he would have to have a surgery to remove the ribbon before it became stuck in his intestines. Two hours later, I received a call from the doctor, telling me that Russell had a bad reaction to the anaesthesia and had two seizures, then a heart attack, and was dead. This was absolutely devastating and shocking to me and my girlfriend. Russell never had any problems in the past during his surgeries. My normal vet and I did research and discovered that the emergency vet clinic was trying to cover up the details of what had happened, and that they may have screwed up and caused Russell's death needlessly. We are currently investigating and demanding a full detailed report of what was done to him.

Since that night I have been so depressed and distraught. Being a poker player and working from home, that cat was my company at least 12 hrs a day, we had so much repoir and love for each other, he was easily the best pet I've ever had and we were made for each other. Then after all he'd been through and all the work to keep him alive and well, to have him die so stupidly and tragically just is destroying me. I haven't been eating or sleeping hardly for days, I have had no desire to play poker, party, have sex, basically anything but lay in bed and cry a lot. I can't even hang out at my condo now because I just keep seeing voids everywhere where Russell should be, doing his normal things, but he is nowhere now. My condo is empty and lifeless and there will never be any pet to replace what I had with Russell. I have pretty much been staying at my girlfriends place all the time so I am less reminded of the loss. I am filled with grief and also guilt that I could have somehow taken better care of him, or taken him to a different emergency vet that night, and then none of this would have happened. 

Here are some pictures - I will love you forever Russell and never forget you and what you brought to my life. I am so sorry your life was so tough and ended this way, you deserved better buddy.