Wave of Mutilation

So here I sit, sipping Spanish Absinthe (which is not as good as French Absinthe but Absinthe none-the-less) singing Johnny Cash songs and sloppily playing my acoustic guitar. I’m happy.

It’s awkward being a coach and reading about this Jason Ho stuff. When I see how much some people paid for coaching I was honestly astounded, like my eyebrows shot through the ceiling like rockets, and my mouth gaped like a desert canyon. I was fucking surprised. I think it’s kind of eye-opening though. You really need to research your potential coach. If something sounds ridiculous it probably is. I don’t think I’ve ever played on a students account, or asked them to do anything retarded or insane. In fact I think the most involvement I’ve had beyond coaching is the occasional transfer of funds from Stars to FTP or vice versa, when it was mutually beneficial. I take pride in my coaching and I think that shows, as I’ve never had an unhappy student and every single student I have had that put the work in, has moved up, sometimes more than a couple of limits, in shortish order. You didn’t come here for random ramblings (or maybe you did :D) though so that’s all I’m going to say about this, but damn that’s fucked up.

I only played a few thousand hands of 2/4 this week (and a dabble of 3/6) as I took a few days off based on the suggestion of those around me. I have been stuck in a poker funk and needed some rebooting time. I won’t bore you with a graph, it’s not that interesting. So expect a big update next week, and I swear to the gods, goddesses, the moon, the burger king commercial guy, alex delarge, and anyone else who is listening that I AM GOING TO WIN THIS WEEK.

I do have enough hands to post the standard array of awards, so I’m going to continue with that tradition.

Biggest Pot – Nothing too interesting here, just winning a flip vs. a guy I have agggroooo history with DEEP DEEP

Full Tilt Poker $2/$4 No Limit Hold’em – 6 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

BB: $804.80
UTG: $789.00
MP: $2338.20
CO: $131.40
Hero (BTN): $828.60
SB: $467.30

Pre Flop: ($6.00) Hero is BTN with Q Q
1 fold, MP raises to $14, 1 fold, Hero raises to $44, 2 folds, MP raises to $138, Hero requests TIME, Hero raises to $316, MP raises to $2338.20 all in, Hero calls $512.60 all in

Flop: ($1663.20) 6 3 9

Turn: ($1663.20) 6

River: ($1663.20) 4

Final Pot: $1663.20
MP shows K A (a pair of Sixes)
Hero shows Q Q (two pair, Queens and Sixes)
Hero wins $1660.20
(Rake: $3.00)

Dumbest Play – This isn’t really a play rather a situation. HOW THE FUCK DO I NOT GET ANY ACTION ON THIS FLOP BAZILLION HANDED!!! MOTHERFUCK. lol. This was like, WHAT? SERIOUSLY? laksdjf;alksdjf;askdj

Full Tilt Poker $3/$6 No Limit Hold’em – 6 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

BTN: $1043.05
SB: $282.00
BB: $600.00
UTG: $552.10
MP: $757.75
Hero (CO): $846.90

Pre Flop: ($9.00) Hero is CO with Q Q
UTG calls $6, MP raises to $27, Hero calls $27, BTN calls $27, SB calls $24, 1 fold, UTG calls $21

Flop: ($141.00) A 4 Q (5 players)
SB checks, UTG checks, MP checks, Hero bets $99, BTN folds, SB folds, UTG folds, MP folds

Final Pot: $141.00
Hero wins $138.00
(Rake: $3.00)

Avant-Garde – Villain turns his hand face up, I usually have him crushed, in his mind the draws all missed he knows he has a 1 pair hand and the 4 kills my credit, what he doesn’t think about (or realize) is that I know all of this and would never be bluffing here without some sort of leveling dynamic. Yum overbet for value :D

Full Tilt Poker $3/$6 No Limit Hold’em – 6 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

UTG: $1037.65
MP: $306.00
CO: $624.00
BTN: $663.20
SB: $600.00
Hero (BB): $699.90

Pre Flop: ($9.00) Hero is BB with 9 9
2 folds, CO raises to $18, 2 folds, Hero calls $12

Flop: ($39.00) 4 7 6 (2 players)
Hero checks, CO checks

Turn: ($39.00) 2 (2 players)
Hero bets $24, CO calls $24

River: ($87.00) 4 (2 players)
Hero requests TIME, Hero bets $117, CO calls $117

Final Pot: $321.00
CO mucks 6 8
Hero shows 9 9 (two pair, Nines and Fours)
Hero wins $318.00
(Rake: $3.00)

LOLOLOLOLest Hand – I guess this is a stretch but I jam a gutshot and backdoor draw over the cbet of a dude opening a lot and cbetting an A high board, he has the goods but I dial 55 to take it down lol. It’s sad that this is the funniest hand I have this week :(

Full Tilt Poker $2/$4 No Limit Hold’em – 6 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

Hero (BB): $443.00
UTG: $760.45
MP: $444.10
CO: $223.20
BTN: $400.00
SB: $101.10

Pre Flop: ($6.00) Hero is BB with 5 3
4 folds, SB raises to $8, Hero calls $4

Flop: ($16.00) A 4 J (2 players)
SB bets $10, Hero raises to $435 all in, SB calls $83.10 all in

Turn: ($202.20) 5 (2 players – 2 are all in)

River: ($202.20) 5 (2 players – 2 are all in)

Final Pot: $202.20
Hero shows 5 3 (three of a kind, Fives)
SB shows 7 A (two pair, Aces and Fives)
Hero wins $199.20
(Rake: $3.00)

Sickest Cooler – Pretty standard, flop the straight draw/flush draw/overs vs. a super fishy dude, turn top pair and he made the nuts :(

Full Tilt Poker $3/$6 No Limit Hold’em – 6 players
The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter

MP: $277.30
CO: $515.40
BTN: $969.15
SB: $626.80
BB: $1258.50
Hero (UTG): $1000.05

Pre Flop: ($9.00) Hero is UTG with J Q
Hero raises to $24, 3 folds, SB calls $21, BB calls $18

Flop: ($72.00) 5 9 T (3 players)
SB checks, BB checks, Hero bets $57, SB calls $57, BB folds

Turn: ($186.00) Q (2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $162, SB raises to $545.80 all in, Hero calls $383.80

River: ($1277.60) A (2 players – 1 is all in)

Final Pot: $1277.60
SB shows K J (a straight, Ace high)
Hero shows J Q (a pair of Queens)
SB wins $1274.60
(Rake: $3.00)

Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes the bar eats you. Tune-in next week to see if our hero can escape the mires of mediocrity and achieve like a little lebowski, same bat time, same bat channel.