Wave of Mutilation

From the up up sky herb flyin’ highest stakes to the micro-est micro mini teensy weensy itsy bitsy yellow polk-a lot bikini stakes. We’re in this thing together. We may have different goals, or sub-goals that are all an extension of the main goal. You may say “that’s improving our games right?” HA HA! no. that’s a SUB-POP sub-goal of the main goal as well. THE MAIN GOAL is to enjoy your time with poker. It’s very often overlooked or taken for granted. We focus on the bad, the very bad, the out of our control, we downright whine like retarded fucking bitches!!!!!!! sometimes. We’re all guilty of it. Everyone has someone they splatter bad beats all over. It might be your pimpin’ ass cat, your upscale ho, or your fists as the flesh is ripped off in ribbons and blood pours like a fine wine, from slamming them against windows and walls and laptops and desks, and lions and tigers and balls, OH MY!!!!

I was checking out the blogs I normally read on various sites the other day, and I randomly started to read blog titles instead. That’s right, I didn’t read any blogs, just the titles. THE VAST MAJORITY were negative in some way. Now maybe that’s pretty standard because we don’t brag as much as we bitch, because psychologically we feel like we deserve a lot of what we’d brag about but in turn do NOT deserve what we bitch about, but that’s all a heap of flaming fire red dog shit. Splattered on a barn wall.

What the hell am I rambling about? I think it’s very important to enjoy what you’re doing. Yes you should take your poker and your poker education seriously, yes you should fervently question why things are the way they are and soak up knowledge like johnny 5 on crack cocaine. YES YES YES. BUT! You should also enjoy it. Don’t be such a miserable hump all the time. EVERYONE goes through the same beats, if not now then later. If a hand doesn’t have educational or hilarious value, it probably doesn’t need to be talked about within your group of dudes or dudettes. Unless of course, you’re specifically a bad beat support group. If that’s the case I highly suggest you keep the beat talk short and get to the secondary activities fast.

What’s all this sparked from? Well I just got done coaching a group of SSNL players and I was feeling kinda inspired from the pep talk that I gave them and our discussion, and last night I had a student/friend ship me a hand where they got it in good on the turn and got sucked out on. I didn’t even respond to them, all I could think of at the time was STFU WHO CARES YOU WANT MORE I GOT A MILLI OF EM BABY A FUCKING PLETHORA.

A positive mindset creates a positive energy. Whether it’s poker or real life. If you constructively use what’s in front of you to improve, the positive and the negative things, you will see greater results than if you wishy washily focused on some good and harped like a bitch on the bad stuff.

I’ve always approached poker in a problem/solution format. What problem does my individual opponent represent, and what solution can I employee to counter him. Even when I was a total retarded nit-fish I STILL thought about poker in this manner. You can apply that TO ANYTHING and do well with it if you think logically. Relationships, buying a car, choosing lunch, the fire in your kitchen, yes you can counter that too, GO GO GADGET FIREHOSE!!!!!! STANLEY SPADOWSKI FTW!. I’m not trying to sound all Sklansky DUCY or anything because anyone who knows me know I’m one of the most ridiculous negative curmudgeon type dudes they know. I STILL find a way to stay objective with poker, I still enjoy playing poker, I still laugh when I’m playing a session and something crazy good OR crazy bad happens. How often do you crack a smile in a sesh about something that didn’t directly benefit you? EH? ROBOCOP? EH? Anyway, if you realistically think about the outcomes before you open the door, you will have made a better decision based on information that is available to you that you’d be making a mistake not to use.

SAYYYYYY for a second that you get kidnapped by that fucked up clown dude, I think it’s a clown anyway, the guy from the SAW movies, I didn’t SAW too many of them though, new school horror doesn’t have the same charm for me that old horror does, but that’s another story for another day. SOOOOO this dude kidnaps you and he’s all like OK, here are 3 doors. ONE leads to certain death, ONE leads to a pile of naked bitches (or dudes for the ladies), and ONE leads to a room full of jello that you may or may not live to get out of. When choosing a door YOU HAVE NO INFORMATION. They’re all the same color, no markings, no smell, you have literally no way to make a better decision than to straight up guess or like, try to level some freaky clown dude that kidnapped you, GL with that. IT’S NOT LIKE THAT IN POKER OR IN LIFE. You can think ahead! You can think about the next street, you can think about past hands and what they did before, you can think about how their 3b range is constructed or how they play marginal hands when they know they aren’t good. YOU CAN PROCESS ALL OF THIS and make a better decision. You can think about what that penis smell on her jeans means, because you know you haven’t had your penis on her jeans in a while! You can think about…. well you get the idea.

I have no idea what I’m talking about at this point so I’ll sum up this insanity with something that you should always have in your back pocket. Whenever you’re feeling low, whenever the variance train has you down, whenever you feel like life is a black corridor, an empty hallway filled with echoes of people you don’t know anymore and people you’ll never see again and beats and coolers and aces vs. aces. and no comps at the bar IT’S A CASH BAR no sunshine just rain no GOOD MOVIES ARE ON and I HAVE A HEADACHE and the PAINT IS NOT DRY, SMELLS FUNNY, SODA IS FLAT and and and and and…. alright enough just watch this clip and remember, we’re all in this together….

THE MYSTERY OF LIFE REVEALED