Wave of Mutilation

I was on CR today to whip up a fast blog about Never Tell Me the Odds and I found a nice entry I posted earlier in the year. It’s a bit on the passionate ranting side, but I think it’s inspiring (for me at least, hopefully for some of you as well). Here goes….

Why you suck at poker

You can’t think for yourself. Your understanding of poker comes from what you’ve been taught, like a cookie-cutter. You don’t have the ability to come to your own logical conclusions, and you have no idea what to do in new situations that you haven’t been cookie-trained in (no fear though, you can in some cases be taught how to be logical lol). That’s why you lump in with the rest of the grinders, spending seasons in the abyss trading coolers with other people too stupid to realize "hey, there’s 5 regs at this table and myself, I could probably find a better spot. Like maybe a table with an actual fish :).

You play too many tables. You rely on rakeback. You “chalk it up to a cooler” too much. You don’t do enough homework. You don’t think about your game enough. You think you know it all, when really you don’t know jack fucking shit. You spew in spots where you’re crushed like a retard asking out a prom queen. You assign qualities to your opponents that they just don’t have. You overthink, you underthink, you estimate terribly. You don’t value bet well. You fail to stack people where you can, leaving tons and tons and tons of ptbb’s laying all over the felt. You don’t have a plan for the rest of the hand. You fire too many barrels. You fire too few barrels. You don’t even know what you’re going to do when you face a raise a lot of the time, let alone what turn and river cards are awesome/terrible.

You’re complete shit when it comes to reading hands. You let whimsy control your game. You play too many tables. I know I already said that one but you know what, it seems like a good time to reiterate it. You play too many FUCKING TABLES. You can’t make good decisions 8 tabling if you don’t already have a good internal idea of what those decisions should be. If you haven’t been there through a ton of 2-4 tabling repetition, you won’t “get it” while 8 tabling. So stop. You don’t know how to count card combinations (an excellent way to increase your hand reading ability). You let your emotions influence you and you tilt too much, even if you “aren’t the type to tilt too much”. You don’t work hard enough. You don’t put enough hands in and you quit winning sessions too soon, hanging around while you’re losing and on tilt (IE your winning sessions are your shortest, and your losing sessions are your longest). You’re not honest with yourself. You self-soothe and do whatever you can to justify your plays or lack of motivation to yourself. You find others to be miserable with, you may even have a network of dreamsowers lamenting their every lost flip and overpair vs. a set. You may even sit around and talk about how good you all are or will be, and how you crush the game, and are just unlucky. Jacking off each others ego so you can feel good about how great you play just to spite how shitty you’re running. Most of all, YOU KNOW A LOT OF THIS ALREADY.

I could go on and on here, but I think you get the idea. Am I talking about you? Am I talking about me? To some extent. I’m talking about all of us in some way or another. We’re all guilty. Anyone who takes this game seriously and wants to make a living, an income, a business out of poker. I tell my students all the time, It’s there if you want it. Do you? When are you going to be honest with yourself and change? How many years are going to go by before you realize you haven’t improved and you’re still where you were? It’s true that poker isn’t for everyone. Some people can absolutely not stomach the swings. Some people can’t weather the storm of mental beatings and abuse that you go through in this game. Some people aren’t mentally tough enough. Above all you need to be honest with yourself. If you’re happy being an SSNL grinder, making a better-than-average income, hats off to you. But for those of us with something else burning inside, there’s a whole world we haven’t discovered yet in this beautiful game.