November 11, 2011
todays blogpost, where ive been trying to make my stupid head understand i should play less tables... one thing was uncovered that i took for granted. i am in a hurry most of the time. im not cool, relaxed because i can't. OMG ADHD. i am abusing drugs tbh and i am very ashamed to say it, but its true :\ i smoke cigarettes aaaah i dont wanna. my noble mind cannot deal with the things i do, so i start not to mention things, lie or whatever. awful :\ my stupid mother always tried to convince people they should be confident with themselves smoking and not hide in front of others. one of the reasons i hate her.
so whenever i try to stop smoking i end up being super productive, like cleaning, doing things i am told to be too lazy for to take care of. but i am restless as well. i like the point of me doing things being productive and such.. but im restless. maybe im going to recognize this fade to black once i stopped smoking for a while. i dont care being restless for now, better than calming msyelf down with drugs lol and id be supercool! damn. dont wanna get into why im abusing those, maybe its just the addiction lol
lets quit lets quit lets quit lets quit lets quit..
cold turkey or slowly?