le petite tilt.

i tilted like shit, like i used to

trigger?

friend of mine criticized me and i cant take it. i'm very very sensetive and vulnerable i have to say. i am not proud enough to defend myself with believe in myself or what i do, and since i am in touch with my flaws and issues all the time and try to work those out it hurts when somebody pounds on me. in the moment that he criticized me i thought it was just sooo unfair to pick on a mistake i propably made. it is my mistake, not yours, i have to cope with it and i do no play perfectly nor do i expect me to do that. i try to do my best and i do a good job, but he really did not stop but said that "i would tilt away stacks randomly too often". there i lost it i think. pushing me in a corner without the goodwill to help? fuck you

while in the end what has to come to mind is, that most tilt is a reaction to situations we cannot cope with. and i cannot deal with critic like that. i really listen to what people say and am open for most things, while i do not know how to use my shields. do i need to? not do you need to, do i. if you naturally are like that, fine, but what about me.

still unfair

btw because im the best and sickest i'm breakeven, but im not going to show a graph, let's leave it and focus on the future

still unfair

UPDATE:

so i feel like my mind is trying to get to where it was, but more knowingly than unconscious. 

what happened during tilt? 

i did not take their nature nor possible adjustments into consideration anymore, which is what i kinda do great normally!

i was totally results oriented, i wanted to chase and it was everything i was looking for. i had cruel badbeats in there that really hurt me physically lol.

i would not even have cared about being badbeated for 400bbs with the nuts, if i wouldn't have chased losses at the time. mindset yo.

i was very very happy with my earlier play, but on tilt it was just awful.. i did not make the worst things, but i was not as focused anymore and dropped 12 buyins like that.

there was no reason to tilt really for me, i lost stability and did not know wether my run would continue and i was just a BIT like 5% scared about that, i was not confident, but sensetive for everything that happened at the tables. that's what makes me a big winner. at the same time im loosing that mindset too easily when im worried, as you can see in the entry text. i kinda have to find a trick to not be bothered too much. maybe i should have shut down skype n icq ;)

reading what i just wrote.. looks like one tilt lead to another.. first i was mistreated by my friend, then i got angry at the tables ignoring stuff, then i recognized im tilting, tilted and wanted to chase, tilt, tilt, recognized tilt again, trying to fix that, cannot quit, tilt, no idea how i got back... propably won a pot or sth, recognized i can do it...