le petite tilt.

so i was playing my first 1-tabling session today and was not able to win a hand. does not really matter given the bankroll in my back, playing one table only.

still i felt anger rise up in me, when i was making a bad play. this actually fits in well in what i have written about my emotional problems so far, but i kind of did not pay much attention to solving this issue, or having a closer look. now when i wrote this, before i kept on writing, i was having a look at "the mental game of poker" and tada its chapter about hate-mistake-tilt will help me out a lot here. i have to say that this book does covering nearly everything. 

i did not remember the hand that actually made me angry, but now that i recognized this, i will have an eye on that in the future.

another thing that i came across while playing today is, that my attention was on me making correct decisions, taking longer to decide and NOT focussing on others at the table so much that it could have become a problem. why would that be a problem? well during my longterm tilt i kind of did take care of others, but did not really take care of myself in that picture. i cannot even say precicely what was wrong. but i know that right now i think i am playing ok AGAIN! yay

cliffnotes: 

• the live ingame-observation of my mental state has begun
  
• hate-mistake-tilt will be taken care of, thanks jared!
  

update:

this morning i remembered the situation that made me angry. i was in button and a loos passive bigblind did what he do best, being a station calling. and i kind of got angry about me not knowing wether to be a certain turn/river or not. in the end i decided to check and he won. that's not even the interesting part. of course i kind of expected to win against him nontheless, because he is so bad. and i think that this has to be proven by me playing good against him.. and not just expecting to win. 

so again the interesting thing is not really this mistake, but my reaction after i got angry, i did not get angry afterwards anymore. maybe i was not in situations like that, which is a good sign that that might have been a rare thin spot and me not knowing what to do actually got me tilted. soooo

learn.