le petite tilt.

[08.10.2011 18:50:25] Daniel Sun: so i have been blogging for a week
[08.10.2011 18:50:27] Daniel Sun: and im not sure wether there actually is success in terms of improving mindset
[08.10.2011 18:50:32] Daniel Sun: but it keeps me on track
[08.10.2011 18:50:36] Daniel Sun: and it actually is much much fun
[08.10.2011 18:51:00] Daniel Sun: in the near future i will try to make a roundup of what i wrote so far to understand where i was at, am at, and want to be at in the future
[08.10.2011 18:51:07] Daniel Sun: if that is realistic at all...
[08.10.2011 18:51:24] Daniel Sun: and kind of get an overview about how the developement went so far
[08.10.2011 18:51:35] Daniel Sun: to have a better understanding how to approach the future
[08.10.2011 18:51:46] Daniel Sun: and details i need to steadily recognize myself of not to loose them out of sight
[08.10.2011 18:52:08] Daniel Sun: and in the end i might have some kind of pray
[08.10.2011 18:52:16] Daniel Sun: lol

 happening right now:

post #1: http://www.deucescracked.com/blogs/duffte/77881-le-petite-tilt

cliffnotes:

• forget all shame and be honest to yourself, try to realize what is going on, gain self awareness
• already added more thoughts to my initial post, as it got me thinking
• had not worked out what was going on, but started it
  

notes: my post was aiming to be real, truthful and honest, while i had a hard time not keeping distance to my words i think

post #2: http://www.deucescracked.com/blogs/duffte/77931-Day-2-professional-psychological-health-care-research-thx-google-

cliffnotes: 

• tried to find the trigger for my childish emotional reactions

notes: i got in contact with myself again, with flaws that i didnt even feel weird about, even though they are remarkable. today i have to say that the situations are accurate, but my reasoning might not be.

cliffnotes: 

• do my fears interfere with my actions?
  

i had much to think about in the beginning and kind of found a basis to work with

cliffnotes: 

• defining goals, focus!
  
• i wanna be able to focus 
  
• i wanna be honest to myself
  
• i wanna be self aware 
  
• and take care of my needs and protect it, be responsible.
  
• i wanna find respect for myself, equals respect for others who deserve it, want to take us seriously
• i wanna be what i wanna be

notes: this post i really liked, i felt peace, because i had a realistic view on where im at, even though it is not even a good situation, im happy about not having to fight.

cliffnotes 

• realizing that my behaviour might have interfere with my developement, abilities to learn, experience passion and motivation.

notes: yes.

cliffnotes 

• i wrote that i avoid competition and get angry if somebody is stressing it into this direction. 

i have to say that i am not sure why i avoid it. i possibly do not like being beaten, i think it's that. feel like not being worth then. this would explain some mechanisms i used to defend myself with. should get back to this topic.

cliffnotes: 

• theory of how to learn, have the right approach
• edit: bottomline is - ask your own questions
  

notes: felt like having mindcontrol, really solid thoughts there

cliffnotes:

• it is about having the right approach to the game and to put yourself in a position to be able to approach it that way
  

• be realistic & honor your knowledge. it's bigger than you. show some respect. if not a degree of humility.

notes: i really liked my position in this statement. i put myself in a place where things i do will not define my ego, but stand for itself and i define myself with healthy distance and respect. 

cliffs: 

• everywhere you go you will see people trying to change reality instead of their view on it 
  
• "Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other." - Reinhold_Niebuhr
  
• the realistic approach

cliffs: 

• motivation in poker is money and it is harming a realistic approach of the game
• way to go is to have the right approach to get to ones goals
• thought i might not have a natural interest in poker, while me sorting out my mindset might just have lead to having this kind of interest.

this roundup was meant to get me an overview about what has happened so far. i can see that the linearity i was hoping for is not really given. i recognized that i tried to come up with more analytical stuff that is more general than bound to me as a subject. i should stop that. i recognized that some of the topics are much better suited to set my mind straight. i should put more effort in that, it made me feel great. i recognized that i still am not sure about where my fears are, anger comes from and defiance begings.

i need to have a more personal approach to blogging, to keep focus on changing my behaviours and actually stress it. i need to try to put myself into situations or identify those, where i am struggling in to analyze those and blog about it.