le petite tilt.

really? another post about yourself *yawn*

well it just came to my mind that competition is something i strictly treated with contempt. it actually is written down on wikipedia that passive-aggressive mindsets would avoid competition. i'm playing tennis with a friend. and when he is in competetive mood, trying to outplay me i kinda get angry for him acting like this. i dont like playing 1on1s in egoshooter, fifa, starcraft, nowhere... headsup in poker? yeah when im on tilt. i dont like competition. 

i think that this actually fits in so well into the other things i wrote down so far. avoiding competition means that i wanna avoid my skills to be tested or asked for. avoiding competition is another evidence that my way of thinking might not be beneficial for my personal developement. i thought it was honorable that i rather fight for a team than for myself. avoiding competition also means avoiding failure. i'd rather be disqualified than actually mess my strenghts with somebody else's.

oh oh.

whyever i do this, it leads to not developing skills. it leads to not realizing my own abilities and not getting in contact with mistakes i make. ding ding ding.

face your fears, daniel!