December 28, 2009

Dream Over

I am afraid that I have to make a decision now.

I cannot do this to myself or my family. I have just had one of the most heartbreaking sessions of my life during one of the swingiest months I’ve ever played and it has finally hit me how foolish I’ve been. I keep telling myself not to leave it late but I have and this is the result and now finally the decision I’m going to make.

I am not continuing trying to grind to Supernova.

I don’t have the mentality to play for that amount of time during a day and even if I were to get it I’d only let it consume me as I’d set myself more and more deadlines during the coming year. This is not my profession and was never meant to be and as of the time I’m writing this I would rather go back into work than play poker again this year. (In fact there are things involving a car battery, a pair of crocodile clips and my nether regions I’d rather do than poker at the moment too) It has become something I “have” to do rather than I “want” to do and that is not acceptable.

Currently I feel like I’ve let myself down and those who believed in me down and it’s extremely hard for me to be in that situation let alone write it down. I had it handed to me on a plate and in the end I still failed and I haven’t felt this dejected in years.

This year has been amazing in all sorts of ways and if you’d told me during my 350BB downswing in January/February at 0.5/1 that at the end of the year that my bankroll would have at one point been over 1000BB for 3/6 and that I’d be devastated that I’d just missed Supernova I’d have taken that but it still doesn’t change the fact I knew what had to be done and in the end I was stupid enough to fail. Throughout most of my life bothin and out of poker my greatest enemy has been myself, whether it’s tilt, bone-idleness or plain lack of common sense. Sadly that still the one enemy I can’t overcome.

I’ll post my year end results when I can stomach it. Probably New Year’s Eve but until then I’ll wish everyone a Happy New Year.

Posted By Boomer at 06:08 PM

6 Comments

6 Comments:

deadguy posted on December 28, 2009 at 19:06 PM

Tyler-durden

Hey! I'm proud of you! And so will you be, just add a little time and perspective to the equation. Best of luck in 2010


obadonke posted on December 28, 2009 at 20:52 PM

Obadonke_twitter

Hey Boomer, you once referred to Poker as a zero-sum game but your contribution here has been massively +EV for the community and I selfishly hope you'll still feel the need to share your thoughts over the coming years.

You've been a true inspiration to me this year that's for sure.

Good luck in the new year Boomer. Take care.


Lysistrata posted on December 29, 2009 at 04:08 AM

Overreacts

Happy late Christmas, Boom-bot! Please don't be silly - if anyone is actually proud of you for how many hands you can grind rather than your steady accumulation of skill due to honest self-assessment, well, then, that person needs to go back to school on the short bus. Looking at your more recent post, it seems like you've had a great year a little more time to cheer up. Congrats on being awesome!


rootbeer 2000 posted on December 29, 2009 at 20:01 PM

Hawk-head-wallpaper-black-1280

The battle against one's self is constant. Do not dwell on what you feel is a failure because look at what you accomplished this year and where you are, Boomer. That is something to really be proud of and a success in my eyes.


Ribbo posted on January 02, 2010 at 16:21 PM

Ribboavatar2

emo Boomer is emo. :)

Cry some more with your $5000 from the year! :D


Boomer posted on January 03, 2010 at 14:09 PM

5618084

But...I...eee...stop beating me over the head with facts :(

Thanks for the well wishes everyone :)

As least if I'm feeling like thowing my monitor out of the window I'll make sure to record it in the future :)


 

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