March 04, 2011

We're all a little emo!


On travel at the moment, which is why the blog updating has been a little slow. Update on my game - going quite good, but I couldn't play as much in February as in January, make like 7-8k hands. Still, I had a lot of fun rekindling with on of my loves HUHU LHE - I think I still got it! :)

The good, but not like "screaming out loud"-great results is another reason why I haven't been blogging. Was just talking to BigBadBabar the other day: "What can I say? I'm playing, I'm having fun, no epiphanies, no big ideas, just grinding". But it was only when I read hardboiled's poker blog on "David Hayano's Poker Faces" that I recognized a theme here. The book sounds like and interesting read, for example, the author - an anthropolgist - studied native tribes in Papua New Guinea before jumping int the study of poker players, heh. One paragraph struck me as so important, that I made a multitweet out of it - fail by me. Here are the three paragraphs that struck me the most:

"A couple [of points] come from his conclusion, titled "The Existential Game," in which Hayano recognizes that “because of the relentless instability and uncertainty of day-to-day gambling," players are constantly forced to reevaluate what they are doing and its significance and meaning. "If the life of the professional poker player were comfortable and predictable," writes Hayano, "I do not think that such extensive and persistent self-reflection would be required."

It is interesting to consider how "professional" poker players -- a group which for Hayano includes just about anybody who plays a lot and for whom the game is an important part of their lives -- are as a group an especially self-reflective bunch. Hayano pursues the point further, noting that one of the things that poker pros find themselves thinking about a lot is whether or not their lives have any special meaning at all.

"Many people, including poker players themselves, do not see card-playing as particularly productive," notes Hayano, adding how this attitude adds to the difficulty (and to the "existential" worrying) of the life of the poker pro. Also, for many full-time players, "there is no finality of gain and no peak existence, except perhaps winning a major tournament." The game just goes on and on and on, a situation that "manifests itself in an existential, if not socio-psychological, kind of imbalance."

I just realized both sorts of introspection come up over and over on the forums and with me, too. Just look at this blog, ffs.

One is the yearning for "a-ha" moments, as people coin them. Just look at the advice people give when making a "well" on 2p2. Something to cling on, to give you a sense of security that what you are doing is correct, or some sort of realization that fixes a leak. Definitely important that one, as long as we don't use it solely as a crutch, as long as we're not looking for formulas or easy cookbook recipes. Also, notice how this desire for "explanation" comes when we are on an unlucky losing streak, I blog less when I'm winning or losing by my own fault.

The other is the yearning to find meaning in what we do - either as poker professionals or obsessed semi-pros. Somehow I don't find that self-questioning in other professions with dubious benefits to society. I think that a good measure of self-scrutiny is always good, in any point of life or in any job, but we gotta be careful we don't do it too much. At some point the money we make isn't the be-all end-all, happiness counts for a lot. Do what makes you happy!

Anyway, long winded post to say that you should embrace your inner emo kid, but be careful and sometimes just enjoy poker, since it gives you so much joy! Seriously, do you think Charlie Sheen self-reflects on why he's so full of win, while he was the highest paid TV actor in the world? ;-) (had to throw that in there, sign of the times if I ever get to read these posts in a few years). But I do hope you like my self-reflections sometimes.

Posted By bellatrix at 11:17 PM

23 Comments

Tags: introspection

23 Comments:

KRANTZ posted on March 05, 2011 at 05:04 AM

Souljalion

that book looks super interesting. there are like 20 pages avail on google books :)

would love to try to track down hayano to interview!


inavacuum posted on March 05, 2011 at 06:17 AM

L_00778914

I've seen this topic arise so often lately. It's never far from 2+2 and more recently was the subject of an argumentative discussion on a friend's Facebook feed. I suspect those that are viciously bashing at the pulpit of "poker is morally wrong as a career choice" are probably lifetime losers at poker, but it did strike me as interesting just how many of my fellow professionals feel they have to justify what they do. I feel that I must either be relentlessly degen or autistic in some way because I have never, ever felt the need to justify it in the even the slightest way - and I have a wife and two kids to support. But then perhaps that is the key, I already have a stable and settled social life. Maybe that's what more pros need. This is a really long comment, I do apologise.


bellatrix posted on March 06, 2011 at 07:32 AM

Bellatrix

@Krantz - that would be interesting - sort of 30 years later, what happened. But then again, you're essentially doing that with BOOM :)

@inavacuum - Heh, don't you ever apologize for making long comments on my blog. It's the candy that gets me going! I've seen the arguments between people having disdain of VPP-chasers and so, but at the end of the day, it's the money that pays you rent and puts food on the table, so you should never apologize for it. It did seem interesting that more people felt the need to justify themselves in poker than in other professions, though.


gendeLic posted on March 06, 2011 at 16:17 PM

Dcava2

nice read, that topic about justifying work as a poker player concerns/concerned me much too.

@krantz would love to see such thing! and thx for the tip with google books


jesse8888 posted on March 10, 2011 at 17:19 PM

2p2avatar

First of all, I'm going to try and catch up. Second of all, if you played 8K hands in Feb, I was right :)

Two of the most stupefying questions in my well so far have involved aha moments or biggest things learned. I think we all have them, but the best of us internalize them effectively and are apt to forget the moment itself, while others forget them.

My quest for meaning drags me down every single day, and I wish I could just lobotomize the part of my brain responsible, temporarily. But that's not really an option now is it?


bellatrix posted on March 11, 2011 at 11:45 AM

Bellatrix

@jesse ah, but i played 11k in january :) (i know, you probably doubled it)... Glad I could get you to read the blog that way, though.

For my well, I saw those questions coming, so I already answered them in my intro well post. I do think your point about internalization is very important, like nobody ever asks you what your aha moment in programming was, you just sort of learned and practised and internalized stuff, but there was no constant self-questioning (i assume).

@gendeLic thanks for reading


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