Female poker geek anonymous

Didn't update this blog for a week now... I really should get back into it. There was a specific reason for not writing anything last week: the eternal downswing. Now that I've worked up my bankroll a bit again, I am able to play my main nitty gritty 3/6 HUHU game again. It felt comfortable... but at the same time it didn't.

I was off to an ok start, made some bets here and there and lost them again, sometimes to people that turned out to be new regs, no problem. So basically break-even, carving ahead, getting a few precious VPPs, even though I really don't know if I can really make it to Supernova, I'll try, believe me.

Cue the week before last where it went down and down and down. And it wasn't just the normal downswing, it's that one that messes with your head. After getting hit'n'ran the fifth time, you get really paranoid when the 6th opponent sits down. Yeah, yeah, I know, when I'm in that place I shouldn't play... It was 20-50$ over and over again. Just teeny little needles every time, but it sure left me ruffled and in a bad place mentally. Every time I had a read and would crawl myself back, they would leave just up ~20$. The other way around too. If I got off to an ok start, it would turn and as soon as they got up to 20$, boom, bye bye bellatrix.

It is brutal, HUHU magnifies emotions so much. I can honestly say, I didn't tilt in the sense that I still played a pretty normal game, but for sure I wasn't 100%, screaming at the cards, praying that the opponent doesn't leave after this pot. Sigh, so sick. HUHU downswings, ugh. In the grand scheme of things it was only ~150BB, maybe 1000$, but still very jarring.

Thank god I didn't give up, because by last week the tide definitely turned. They didn't crawl back again, so they actually ended losing a lot. I suddenly got the groove back again, snapping off the 3b! bluffs and checking when I knew they had it. The insults (nothing bad, just "moron" or "idiot" or a sarcastic "nh") started rolling in again. Suddenly I had regained all my losses and then some. Ahhh finally I'm good mentally again.

I made my last withdrawal before the June 1st UIGEA deadline. Let's see how long the money is in limbo. I don't plan to deposit for a long time and heck, I don't want to withdraw either, rather build up the bankroll some more for the next jump to 5/T... that is still way off though.

I am finalizing my details for the Vegas trip. I guess it'll be a more subdued affair. My family is coming with me this time. They have said, they'll leave me be and I should enjoy playing poker without any pressure, they'll have fun in Vegas by themselves, but of course it never ends up happening that way. First, if they are already there, I want to do stuff with them, Vegas can be fun after all. Then there is the guilt factor of course, or maybe the healthy factor. One thing's for sure, no binge gambling until 8 in the morning hahaha, most likely a good thing.

Again, if you're in Vegas, PM me (either here on DC or on 2p2 or @pokerbellatrix on Twitter). I'll be there June 10th evening until June 13th sometime afternoon. Let's do dinner, lunch, breakfast, whatever, but no Rhino sessions :P And for the rest of the time, I'll be grinding my 300$ bonus at FTP (I must be NUTS thinking I can keep Platinum status at PS and still do the 300$ at FTP in one month).