March 22, 2010

Confession

I have ran my bankroll over at Stars up nicely since starting this blog. As said before, the VPP crawl is extremely slow at 1/2 and I still haven’t cleared that damn 650$ bonus yet, will have to rally soon. I do have 2 other bankrolls over at Cake and FTP, though. Cake it’s actually big enough to be playing 2/4, too; great, since there aren’t many Cake games going usually, so need to spread out over limits to get hands in. At FTP, the bankroll was a measly 800$ when I started clearing the 100$ bonus they offered me.

I played a lot .5/1! Have cleared about 75$ of the bonus and have 2 more days to do the rest (fml). But haven’t been doing well. What’s worse is that I’m well in the green with RB and the bonus clearing. I won some prop bets, so my balance stayed around 800$ all the time, yet at the end of the session I would look at the downwards line on the Pokertracker. Finally on Thursday, I won something like 70BB (70$) and the line started to slowly go up again. Phew, or so I thought…

Cue Friday, losing day, of course. Down to 820$ again. This is insanity (doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results)! Why am I wasting my time?!?! Here comes the confession: I sat down at higher limits HUHU to get the money back!

I wouldn’t have made the confession if I had won, right? Yeah, I lost. Down to 540$. Sad, sad puppy I am now. Not sad that I lost the money, because, hey, it’s gambling money and I was playing with and edge and all that stuff. Sad at me, really that I was so dedicated and doing so well for a month and a half, yet it all poofs away on some night in which I randomly decide to go to higher limits when I shouldn’t have.

This blog was about honesty and owning up. Well, I wasn’t very good last week. Worst part? Winning ~120BB at .5/1 on Saturday! It was there all along “my skill”, that the line was going to go up at one point. Why in the hell do I have to force things!?!?! If Friday .5/1 and Saturday’s .5/1 sessions had been swapped I would be on cloud 9 telling you how wonderful poker is and that I had a 80BB weekend. Instead, I’m sitting here confessing.

Posted By bellatrix at 05:58 PM

9 Comments

Tags: introspection journey up

9 Comments:

NeverKissed posted on March 23, 2010 at 06:23 AM

Kissedtn_copy

Every good player I have known has done it. Not that it's ok. Just hold on to that sick, stone in your gut feeling and vividly remember it the next time you think about going this route.

The biggest edge is probalably a little thing called patience.


TecmoSuperBowl posted on March 24, 2010 at 02:17 AM

Tsbbadugi

Didn't know you had a blog! GL with the discipline. We all have to work on it :(


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