Back To The Trap House

I keep having these epiphanies or aha! moments constantly. All this new stuff I’m learning between my coach, videos, playing and hands is really really enlightening. But, I’m still not a winning player overall. I’m a slight loser because of one bad spew session and most of the time I am break even.

My coach keeps telling me to just focus on learning and the winning will come. I think he is right in that I can feel it coming. I can feel everything start to slowly gel together. I wonder if its going to be like a sudden thing where I just start winning for weeks or months and it doesn’t even phase me. Or will it be similar to Neo from the Matrix where it just hits him and I’m wrecking fools.

I think at this point it will be sudden but I have to stop doing a few things.
I have to stop looking at my cashier window constantly during and after sessions. I have to learn to lose smaller. I have to learn how to grind better and by that I mean not worry about hitting that big pot every session to impress my coach. I feel like every session I have a bunch of small losses like 10BB up to like 25BB and then suddenly I have this one at the end where its like 110BB. Then in the green its like 50BB is my biggest pot so it completely negates my wins.

Also, I just finished Tommy Angelo’s series and lopping off my C-game and taking a lot of breaks is important as well. I have noticed a difference in my last 3 sessions just doing that. I feel like I also need to start completely thinking and acting like a pro poker player. Every decision I make is going to be to increase my profits in poker, in game or out of game. It’s hard to adjust and I’ve already been kind of doing it but not to the extent that I should be.

Finally, I really am leaning towards dropping out of school and playing full time. Kind of crazy since I am on the losing end right now. I’ve tried listening to other people. I know school is the “right” thing to do and the safe route. My whole life though is taking risk. I love taking risks whether it is in poker or out of poker.

When you take a jump things have a funny way of working themselves out. I just know that if I don’t attempt this jump I will regret it my whole life. People say you can play poker your whole life. I agree but I can also go back to school whenever I want too. There is no time table where you have to finish school. I’m in classes with 40 yr olds. My freshman year one of my football coaches hadn’t got his degree and he went back to get it and he was close to 70.

Sure, jobs won’t be as readily available when I’m 70 or even 40 but still. This is what makes me happy, this is what makes sense to me and this is what I love. If you love something and are as passionate as I am about poker then it’s really hard to fail. Thats because when you fall and eat dirt you’ll get right back up and try again. I’ve done this so many time’s I’ve lost count. I’m finally close, too close to put it aside for school. Thanks to a very good friend I am going to do what I love.

Crazy and genius are a really fine line. Whenever I tell someone I may drop out to play poker they think I’m crazy. Remember though when lots of people tell you something is wrong you’re probably doing something right! I strongly believe in this. Its true because these people who supposidly care for you don’t have your best interests in their minds. They have theirs. They don’t know how you think, how you really are or what you really want. What about those hundreds of thousands of people who took out loans, went to school and can’t find a job?

I worked with a guy at a steak house who went to school for business administration. He graduated and he compares his job to the movie office space. He is miserable, falls asleep at work, has several different bosses and had to work at a steak house for extra money. He will pay his loans back in 2032. He is a unit of energy for a company. A monkey could be trained to some extent to do his job and he is basically just wasting away. I asked him, what do you wish you would’ve done? He responded I wish I just did what I wanted, trained as a firefighter and gone to school for that.

Now he’s stuck in a shitty job with a shitty 2nd job, unhappy as anyone I have ever met. Thats no way to live your life. Do what you love and the success will follow!