Back To The Trap House

Every time I have a rough time doing anything whether its a job or going to school I dream. I dream about becoming a professional poker player because everything about it is so damn appealing. When I’m stressed out or my confidence takes a hit I say to myself “I’ll show those fuckers, all those haters, those doubters I’m going to become a professional poker player”.

But……

It hasn’t quite happened yet. I’ve gone through disappointment after disappointment. I’ve taken my shots with my full bankroll, online and live. I just never really had the ball sack to take that plunge.

Well, when I first started getting backed by ISPEWCHIPS we talked about our poker upbringing. And to my surprise he did what I always wanted to do, he dropped out of school and decided to play poker!! I wanted to drop out and deal in a casino and learn tells and betting patterns and player tendencies…….but, he did something I couldn’t do. He grabbed his balls and did it. I just kept taking half assed shots. I drank and played, I’d build up a small bankroll and play a bunch of tournaments and blow it. I’d spew in cash games.

Most of all I kept lying to myself. I kept listening to others. I’d follow their path and what they loved and you know what happened at the end of the day? I was unhappy with my decisions. I’d say, I should’ve just gone for it man. But its not too late…..

Theres a quote in the movie The Grand. It goes something like this I think “You do it because you think you have to. Well thats just dumb” or something like that. As I was talking with Kai today and bitching about school he pretty much said the same thing. Don’t do things because you think you have to that you aren’t excited about. Thats the path to failure. If you’re excited about poker just go for it. You’ve been trying for 5 years.

He’s right, I should just take the plunge. And I finally will but not quite yet….Once I hit the stakes he’s trying to get me at I think I will. I will probably just drop out of school and do it. Is it stupid? Maybe but I’ve failed at life many different times and nothing but good comes from it. Every time you fail it’s like a giant punch in the nose, especially if you fail big. You get up off the floor, dust yourself off and look at yourself in the mirror and think what the fuck did I do wrong?

If you’re a true poker player you tell yourself the truth. You don’t lie. You admit your mistakes. Fix them and move on…..

If you aren’t improving at poker, school, girls, fitness, eating right (What I’m working on haha), or whatever else you want to throw in there then your wasting your life.

I just have to fail a few more times and I will be playing poker for a living.