Back To The Trap House

And I wonder when people read this blog if they see someone turning it around or a train wreck in motion? Maybe a person struggling to find balance in his life......

Not really asking but the thought popped in my head today after last night. Kind of disappointed in myself. I get the sense I am headed in the right direction but nights like these feel like I got kicked in the stomach by steel toed boots. I get down on myself and lose confidence. Its been like this for a few weeks. Maybe I'm just being a bitch about things. It was a fun night but I don't like how sloppy drunk I got/get.......

I don't remember much of the evening after I left this show I helped promote. It had a bad turnout but I wasn't completely involved, only slightly. Music was just EH, I didn't have much interest in any of the DJ's. The Chain Gang of 1974 is cool but they still have a lot of work to do before finding their sound. We went to this place called shag lounge and drank more over there then I hopped in a cab with 4 girls, one of them which was a friend, and went back to her place. My other friends went home. I didn't know the other 3 but one of them was her roommate.

It gets hazy after that as we jammed out to music and ate banana bread. It was around 2AM and I had work at 9AM. I was long past the point of no return. I could've gone home and just went to bed but I would've felt just as bad this morning if I stayed up and got more drunk. I had already started time traveling (When you're so drunk you go in and out of blackouts. Usually happens when you mix different liquor and beer and drugs. Any combo of the 3 really). The choice was very straightforward. Get drunk and try to get laid. At least it made logical sense in a mind drowning in whiskey and PBR.

I ended up in her roommates bed but wouldn't have if I wasn't so drunk. If I was sober I probably just would've gone home and not really thought twice about it. A nice way of putting it is she isn't really my type. Maybe someone else's but not mine. I don't even remember talking to her and am not a 100% if I even introduced myself. I don't know her name. Not sure if we've hung out before. She's not someone I usually see out and about and not someone I would hang out with regularly....

I don't mean to be rude but it gets a little sticky here. My friend who the nameless girl lives with tried to hook me up with her other friend a week or so ago. This is a girl I have had my eye on for a few months and have noticed her eye on me as well. I have yet to make any moves because I have this problem of getting way to mashed up and getting lost inside my head. Not just booze but other stuff mixed with it. I'm sure you'd have a good idea of what I am talking about if you've read this blog before. I enjoy my weekend trips to the moon.......

Anyways, this girl is what we would call a keeper. At 23 shes going for her PHD apparently at an engineering school here in CO. At 25 I have yet to graduate college. Shes very sexy and likes to have fun but she has balance and I don't. This girl is dangerous and sometimes I think thats why I haven't made any moves on her. For those of you who follow my blog this isn't the same one I wrote about 2 posts ago. This is a different girl. I try to keep these ones at bay because if I give them my heart its over. The keepers. They have mad skills. They aren't the same as the random hook ups.

The weekend wars aren't easy. You grow up striving to be this "player" because thats what men do right? Fuck pussy, watch sports and drink beer? Nothing else to life, right?

And once you achieve this label you realize its not all its cracked up to be. Like when you first heard you could play poker for a living and thought I'll just roll out of bed and grind all day while smoking joints. Its never that easy. Neither is getting girls. It takes a lot from you. And once you get them it gets even harder then trying to get them in the first place. It becomes a lot more complicated. I'm not a player but people seem to think I am. I do get a lot of woman but not intentionally always. I do have a very good angle when approaching woman but it may not work for you or anyone else. Its not an epic secret or anything. I just go out and use that old cliche be yourself. But you have to find yourself and understand yourself first or you can't pull it off.

 I go out to have fun, not hit on girls. I go out to make friends or "network" as my friend calls it. I don't like the "Player" label because I don't think of woman in that light anymore.

Anyways back to that girl. So yeah they're all friends and I fucked my friends roommate who isn't even my type. Girls talk. It will get out and I think maybe I dropped the ball on this one. Maybe she won't care. Oh well though. Theres always more girls out there just like theres always more equity to be found.....

My Idol!!!