Back To The Trap House

It felt like just yesterday I was catching a quick flight back from Vegas. With my soul crushed and my bank account on life support I retreated into my sisters basement depressed. I had no job and didn't know what to do next. I FAILED at the thing I was most passionate about. My backer lost faith in me and so did my family. What the fuck was I to do next?

Oh yeah, party like a fuckin rock star son! From about April when I started working for my dad again til now its been one big blur. I've never partied so hard in my life and had so much fun in a summer. I truly needed this to revitalize my soul!

The problem is that I slipped a little too much. I have a very addictive personality/thrill seeking personality. I sought out counseling when I got back and how she described it was that its a slippery slope. I have been in similar spots like this many times in my life. I've been trying to break the pattern but I keep finding myself in the same position. I love riding the red line!

In the past I used to feel guilty about it but now I embrace it. Now I'm trying to learn how to control it and make it work for me. An addictive personality is a powerful thing and when people harness that energy and focus it towards something amazing thing can happen.

BUT, as my friend Bruceleeboy has told me, if you feed the Degen inside you too much grave things will happen. Thats basically what I have recently done. I have fed the degen too much to the point where I've almost fallen off of a cliff again. Back in March when I got back from Vegas was Rock Bottom for me in life.

You can also do the other thing which is to starve your degenerate side. Bruceleeboy told me that whichever side you feed the most will come out on top in the end.

Now how does this relate to my poker game? I have discovered that poker parallels your life. As my friend Russ said once Poker is a microcosim for life. Its an excellent way to put it. So unless you conquer yourself, your degen inside of you you'll never be successful in poker or in life EVER.

With that being said my degen was really well fed over labor day weekend. I went up to a ranch on the border of Wyoming and Montana with about 20 people. I've never done so many drugs in my life. I mean we were all getting in there getting fucked up but there were 3-4 people, including me, just taking it to a completely other level. We were hippie flipping daily and some of us were candy flipping. A hippie flip is when you take mushrooms and then mix it with Molly. Candy flip is taking mushrooms and then mixing it with Acid. There was no cell phone reception. The land was incredible. It was hundreds of acres with probably 12 cabins spread out all around us..............

The 3rd day I wondered into the woods with 2 of my friends on mushrooms. We took a bottle of champagne and an iphone dock. We were walking through the forest blasting pretty lights tripping face. We decided to go into the middle of the woods to the point we couldnt see anything around us except trees. We came upon this one area and thats when things got a little scary.

I started losing control of my body. I can't really describe the feeling. It wasn't like when you drink too much and you get sick or do stupid shit. It wasn't like when you smoke too much weed and can't move. I can't really describe it but since I was obviously hallucinating but in my mind I was dying! I truly thought I was going to die in the forest!

My friends were sitting on a tree that had fallen over who knows how long ago. I was staring into the iphone dock looking into another dimension when things just started to go black and get hazy. I couldn't scream for help and all I could see was darkness. I kept thinking this is it, I'm not going to make it out of this forest, this is it.

I awoke staring up at the trees. I couldn't see the sun it was so densely packed in those woods. The sun was going down so it was starting to get dark. A bottle of champagne to my right, an iphone dock blaring Pretty lights on my left. My friends looking down not really knowing what had just happened. I guess I was out for a good 10 minutes. I stood up, took a swig of champagne and dusted myself off. I felt sick.

 We then walked back to the main cabin and began doing more drugs.........................................

The degen in us all