Back To The Trap House

It sure has been a crazy past year for me. I have been taking an indefinite break from poker and my poker dreams. I really thought last year was it; The year I would hop in my poker rocket ship and launch into poker stardom!

But, I guess it wasn't meant to be for me. Actually, it was meant to be. I had everything that I had asked for lined up. Nice tournament run? Check! Backer willing to coach me up to high stakes? Check! Strong desire to learn and excel? Check! Passion for the game? Check! Move to Vegas to be in the center of the Poker Universe? Check! A network of some of the best up and coming poker players in the world? Check!

But I failed......

It was all there laid out before me. I always told myself that if I had 10K then it was all over. The poker flood gates would open and you'd all be fucked! I'd be on TV at a final table about to win a bracelet. I'd be sponsered by a big poker website. I'd coach fish and I'd laugh in the face of all my friends miserable at their 40K jobs while I pulled in $100 an hour eating souls!

It didn't happen.....

I'd travel the world!! I'd be in Amsterdam getting high, Meeting beautiful dutch woman and rolling in the clubs at night with my crew of hustlers. I'd go to Spain and sleep with random spanish woman. The gorgeous ones with dark brown hair, light skin and bright green eyes! Then I'd go to London and get wasted at a football match and wake up next to a trout with horrible teeth that I probably let blow me the night before because I was too wasted to turn her down. But thats ok because she was grateful that someone paid attention to her

I'm back in Colorado.....

You see I GOT everything I asked for. The stuff I wished for for years came to fruition but I always said that when it happened it would all be OVER. Well, that was my first mistake. It wasn't over, it was just begining.

I pissed on my own progress.....

I failed because when my dreams became reality I began to give up. I failed, most of all, because I'm an addict.

When people think about an addict they assign them to one thing. There are alcoholics, drug addicts, gambling addicts, Movie addicts, Sports addicts, and pussy addicts. The reality is that it can be addicted to anything. It can both help and destroy you at the same time. You don't have to be addicted to what society considers a negative thing. A workaholic CEO for instance is an addict IMO. They're addicted to a company and people don't necesarily think thats wrong because he's getting money and taking care of his family.

The addicted mind is a dangerous and powerful thing. If you don't give it one thing, like drugs or alcohol, it will try to attach itself to something else. For example, when you deprive an addict of heroin it may move onto oxycontin. If you deprive a sex addict of having sex with woman they may fuck a dude instead. Take away alcohol then they get high on weed. Take away ice cream then they eat candy. Take Star Craft away and they play warcraft.

Get it? It can run you're life and I let it run mine with poker amongst many other things I've done. It doesn't have to though. The key is to learn how to harness it and use it to your advantage. The most successful poker players in the world are severe addicts IMO. They can't live without the game. The difference between them and a broke degen isn't necesarily their skill level. It's that they have found a way to make their addiction work for them. They are so obssessed and consumed by it that if they went broke they know it would crush them. They've been broke and they don't ever want it to happen again.

So, here I am, back in Colorado working a job that I said I'd never go back to. Working 60 hours a week. Low on funds. No woman and Living in my sisters basement. But I'm dreaming again and I won't give up on that. I "failed" and you know what? 

ITS THE BEST THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!!