written by DJ Sensei DeucesCracked Coach
published over 4 years ago

So, its about that time of the week. Monday, as it were. And after a few weeks of loafing about, gorging myself on turkey and video games, etc. I find that its a good day for me to head down to artichoke joes and make some papes. I set the alarm last night for noon, but that was too early because i was up until 4 playing gears of war on my new 42" plasma HDTV. I also set my alarm clock on the desk so i had to actually get out of bed to turn it off, but that was only a minor deterrent. So at noon i reset it to 1 pm. Around 1:40 I finally get out of bed, loaf around a bit, etc. I call in a seat for the game and roll down around 3. On my bike, on the BART, of course. Pretty standard.

So when I get there, i check out the list and see that i'm still 2nd in line. I tell him to put me on the list for everything else, but only because i want to get some lunch and you have to be at the table to do it. Anyhow, i head over to the cage, flash my key and go into the little room for ballers with deposit boxes. I get out my 10k plaque yo and the spare $1000 chip, which is pretty baller in its own right, but chump change compared to the plaque.

I roll over to the one table that my NL game is playing on, to see who's there, and it looks like theres some seats without chips in front of them. This one dude sees me and says "hey, theres open seating here if you want to play" but I bet he thinks i'm a young stupid fish who's scared money. He changes his expression when I sit on his left and bust out the 10k plaque. Most of the table ogles it and even passes it around to take a look, because those dont make it over to the poker table much. In any case, they change it out for purple hundos and blue twenties.

So not much happens for the first while. The game is playing 6-7 handed for the first several hours, which suits me just fine but I think cramps the style of some of the other players. I acquire a cheeseburger from the food place, and it turns out to actually be pretty good. Uh oh, that could be a bad omen. Bad food = winning, good food = losing? We'll see.

Sooner or later, I find 7c4c in the small blind, and like 4 limpers to me, so I make it 120 or something, because i'm awesome. One dude who, unlike many of these dudes, is dressed up nicely and talking about real estate and [censored], and obviously got his bankroll from NOT poker, calls and the rest fold. Flop comes 922 with a diamond draw. I lead out for 200, he raises to 600, I figure that he doesnt have a 2, and check his stack. He's got a little over 2k behind. Sweet. I dont need outs against this bitch so I put him all in, he says something like "my overpair is no good" and mucks it. Fish.

Later, I acquire A9o in the small blind, and raise over some limpers. Flop comes A82 with a flush draw. I lead out, nitty asian dude calls. turn is a 6o, I check, he bets 400, I think about it and call. River is a To, I check, he bets 1000, I think and call. He mucks before I show, which is nice. Soon after (like one or two hands later) I raise TT out of position against limps, and get called by a few. Flop is 975 with a flush draw, I bet and am called by this old jew on my right. Kinda looks like lewis black, but slightly less angry. Turn is a deuce, we both check, river is another deuce, I check and call his 5 hundo bet, turn over my nuts, and he mucks em. "Yall can't bluff me when I have the nuts" I say, and they agree.

Soon after these hands go down, I open A3o and am called in a few spots. Flop comes down AQ2, blind checks, I check, old laughy-asian gambler dude checks, and asian nitty dude who i picked off earlier bets out like 300. I see that he has but 300 more remaining, due to me having pwned him, so after it folds back to me I put him in. He calls with AQ. GG NH ship him the moneys.

Some time goes by, and I've got a hankering to put some more chips in my stack. Also, for some reason, I'm not getting good hands to start with, which sucks, but whatever. So, a few dudes limp in and I raise 87s on the button. One of the blinds calls, and the first limper folds. Then, the second limper, who happens to be the old jew, reraises 400 on top. "WTF is that, overlimp reraise?" I say, then I find that his stack is approximately 2200 more. So, I put him allin. He tanks for like 5 minutes, counts and recounts his chips (like they're changing, wtf is that? just count them once and then make a decision, douche.) Finally he calls. Right about the time he starts to turn over his hand, the flop comes out 654 rainbow. Just before his QQ hits the felt, I say "you aren't gonna like this too much" and drop the nuts on him. The table aghast, old jew-y quickly leaves without so much as a "nice hand asshat" or an "I'm gonna cut you, sucka". How rude.

So now the table thinks i'm insane, which is half-true. Not too much happens for a while, and eventually another dude sits down (we were 5 handed at that point, I think). The first thing he says is that he's already gotten 2 phone calls about some maniac in the game who busted this guy who they all know (Lots of regulars in this game, of course, and most know each other fairly well by now). I raise my hand and nod, to indicate that I was said maniac. Some discussion ensues, and he eventually catches on that I was the one who pushed, rather than calling off a stack with 87s preflop. That makes a little more sense to him, as apparently he's also the type to make such moves. I don't think I get into too many big pots for a while, except a few with strange action where i ended up splitting. Like one time I was on the kill and squeezed a raise and call with AQ. Got called by the first raiser, the laughy asian gambly dude who always bets the under on football games. Other guy at the table explained that he also likes the under, because its always under until its over, or something like that. I think its stupid, and makes sports suck. But I don't gamble on sports, so whatever. Where was I? Oh right, so I squeezed AQ in a kill pot. Now, I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. And back then, twenty dollar chips were called "goldminers" because theres a picture of a miner on them. "Five miners for a motherlode" they'd say. So I lead out the flop, which was something like J96, for four or five hundred, or something. Dude calls. We check down the next few cards, which are low, and he turns over AQ also (no draw, of course). wtf?

Also, I once raised JT from the button, bet and called a check minraise from the SB on a Txx flop, then when he led out at the A turn, I raised him like 400 on top of his 200. He said something about "did you call me with an ace" and called, and we checked through the river. He too had JT. wwwwwwtf? oh well, at least I didnt lose those hands.

So eventually half the people leave all at once, leaving me, the real estate dude who's started drinking a fruity girly drink of some sort, and this young asian nerdy kid who just showed up. Neither of them are very good, so I'm just picking up mad small pots and waiting for one to screw up. anyhow, I limp my SB with K3c and we all see a cheap flop of KJ9 with a diamond draw. I lead out, fruity drinker makes a little bitch raise, I call. Turn is an offsuit 3. I checkraise his $400 to $1400, which leaves him with $2k behind or so. I didn't realize he was that deep. [censored]. He asks me if I flopped the straight, and I tell him that I didn't. Probably stupid of me, cause I wouldn't lie straight up like that. But whatever, he tanks for a while and then shoves the rest, and I take a while before making a crappy call. Just about the time another 3 hits the river, I flip my cards and see him flash his K9, intending to table it. However, once he sees my massive suckout, he raises his hand to the sky, presumably intending to bring it crashing down to the table with great vengeance and fuuuuurious anger, but he calms down slightly, mucks it only semi-ragefully, and then leaves without a word. Well, whatever, he shouldnt have messed with my increasingly enormous stack.

So anyhow, I play the asian kid heads up for a while, and gradually bleed his chips into my stack because he's not very good and also not very aggro (though he does have a strange habit of completing the SB then min-reraising me). I also have ordered some orange chicken from the food place, and it turns out to be pretty bad. Thats good, everything is back to normal. I'm about to leave when some other dude excitedly shows up and wants to play. Oh, alright, I'll stick around for a while. Didnt want to leave him heads up with lame-o McAsian kid. So I go to the bathroom and when I get back, the new guy is doubling up for 2k against asian kid, cause he has a boat and asian kid has trips. asian kid is pissed, goes somewhere and comes back with enough chips to cover the other guy, I think. lol, vengeance.

We play 3 handed for a while, I take their money slowly, for the most part. One time I raise T8h in the SB, called by new guy, flop Jh9h6x. I lead, he raises a little bit, I think about it and call. Obvi 3-betting is an option, but it seemed like a crappy one with the stack sizes/situation. Turn is an offsuit T. I check, he bets 400, I call. River is another J, I check and he bets 500. I think "man this would be a sick value call, and I think he's got a busted draw, and i've got the Th to block any draw that ended up better". Plus his bet seemed smallish. Anyhow, I call and he flips over J9. Owned.

Later, I get JJ and raise it up, called by new guy, QJ9 flop with FD, I lead 100 he minraises i make it 600, he calls. turn 5 i lead 1000 he calls reluctantly, river A i shove he folds 99 face up. respek. Thats about it, I play until 11 or so and then leave, even though he seems to want to keep playing.

So, at the end, I'm sitting on 17k. I fill 4 racks with blue $20's, and another rack with purple hundos. Take them back to the cage, turn them into green 1k chips, and stash them in the box. I take some cash out, cause you know, gotta have some cash.

I get back home hungry and without much edible food in the apartment, so I grab the menu from the dank tacqueria nearby. Theyre not open this late, DAMN IT. Pizza it is. Turns out pizza was a great plan, AND I get leftovers. Pepperoni and ricotta, obvi. Unfortunately i've got a closet full of laundry that i'm too lazy to do. 100 bones to anybody who comes and does my laundry for me. I'm also not setting the alarm for tomorrow morning. or afternoon. Its a sleeping in kind of day.

So yea, after 3 trips to AJ's, I'm now up about 19k. Which is cool. Also, its all in cash, essentially, which means the taxman don't gots to know about it, and means its like twice as valuable as regular winnings (so long as I cash it out in <10k increments, and they dont catch on that i'm "structuring"). By the time I hit vegas for new years, I expect to have 3 stacks of high society, if for nothing else than to say that I have 3 stacks of high society. Maybe i'll get a briefcase!